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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by ch3m1cal, Aug 12, 2012.

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  1. ch3m1cal

    ch3m1cal New Member

    So im not entirely sure if social anxiety is a real disease or not, but for however real it may or may not be the symptoms describe me perfectly. It stated in elementary school where i attended a small private school, only 20 kids, most of them girls. of the 7 guys in our class i was the only one who wasnt a jock and as a result i was often taunted and neglected. 2 of my fellow classmates were particularly harsh, even going so far as to tell me no one would ever like me. sometime in the three years i attended that school the 2 classmates i mentioned just started echoing in my head, just to make it clear though, Im not literally hearing voices, which is to say im not schizophrenic, these thoughts are mine, but when they come to me its always in their voices. I have never quite been able to shake them off, anything and everything i do i cant stop hearing their voices taunting me. that was more than 12 years ago and over that time ive become increasingly isolated, some days i can barely force myself to get out of bed and face the world. i know it sounds crazy but whenever im in a public place i just cant shake the feeling that everyones attention is focused on me and every one of them is judging me in the harshest ways.
    over the years ive seen 3 therapists and taken a whole list of antidepressant and anxiety medications, at one point about a year ago i tried to overdose and ended up in a psych ward for about 2 weeks. Of course the doctors there just told me the same thing my friends told me, "its all in your head, you just need to get out there and meet new people". Thats exactly the problem though, every time i try i cant think because of these echoing thoughts in my head telling me im worthless and that these people will never like me....
    im not really sure what i hope to accomplish by coming here, anything you have to say ive probably heard a hundred times before
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    :welcome:


    My son had agoraphobia and social anxiety for over ten years (after a particularly nasty mugging) and if it was as easy as just "getting out there", we wouldnt have all these people locked in their homes. :dry:

    You were verbally bullied, and until that is resolved you will continue to feel anxious.
    Arm yourself with as much information on social anxiety as possible, then go back to your doctor (with print outs) and demand the help you need.
     
  3. ch3m1cal

    ch3m1cal New Member

    How do you resolve something that happend twelve years ago with people who probably arent even remotely aware of how much damage they caused? as per seeing a doctor (not meaning to sound rude here, sorry if it comes off that way) I have seen doctors, the only answer they seem to be able to give me is a handful of pills, which to me look more like an escape than a solution, i already tried to overdose on their "solution" once, only reason i havent tried again is because welbutrin is more likely to put me in a coma than kill me
     
  4. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Bullying can leave a nasty wound on our mental health and can really damage our state of mind and it can go unresolved for years without any help. I don't agree that throwing pills is going to cure it because what you have experienced is not chemical, but maybe you should look into getting a therapist so you can address the issues that the bullying has caused. It's not easy and it is a long journey, but it is achievable and so is "curing" the social anxiety.
     
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Butterfly is correct. You need talk therapy to help you learn how to combat the inner thoughts the bullies left floating around.It can help you to move beyond what happened when you were younger and give you methods on coping should something trigger those feelings. Your first step is asking for help. :hug:
     
  6. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    I agree... Talk therapy is just the ticket that will help your healing from the bullying, honey.

    SF is a great place to practice this! Instead of talking it out, we write it out......... and we become aware that what we have experienced is not unique to ourselves, that it happens over and over in many different ways, shapes and forms.

    The truth is, that what was said and done to us, actually is NOT about us at all. Anything that bullies says more about those who bully than about their target, and they do it only because it makes them feel great, which is their illness and says nothing about you.

    I understand that it is difficult to see this, first off....... But, taking charge of what you tell yourself, and saying that you will not allow those faces and their words any more head room - is a good place to start. And writing a journal about it would also be a good thing to do.

    And there are people here who are very caring and can listen and offer help, so you have come to a very good place :)
     
  7. ch3m1cal

    ch3m1cal New Member

    i have talked to three different therapists and none of them have been able to help me, talking this out has never helped in the past, and like i said, i couldnt afford a therapist even if i wanted to try again. for all the talk ive done i still go out in public and cant function. i mean tonight i went out with a few friends and while i know i should be proud of myself for even making it that far. The problem is being out in public (even if im with a group of friends) just makes me anxious, and usually when i feel anxious my thoughts turn to suicide... i guess ive just had a bad week on top of everything, my best friend from high school recently made some mistakes and without going into detail he fried his brain and is now hearing voices. this brought out a more poetic side to him and he wrote a song about me, even though he never said it was i know it is because its called "brothers", and we always said we were like brothers. it wasnt in any way flattering, he seems to think im to blame for his condition because i "turned [him] into an introvert". this friend was one of the only people i could always count on to help me through it when things got bad, but now he doesnt seem to want anything more to do with me. If im gonna be honest i know i dont need a friend like that, but all the same he was one of the only people i thought i could rely on... i guess my point is talking things out hasnt helped me before, so why should it now?
     
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