It's been about 8 months of constant thoughts of suicide, I'm too much of a loser to be able to do it but too much of a loser to be happy. The thing that worries me is that each day I've began to think I'm more able to do it. For example - I've been searching for the best way to do it, which is how I found this site. I HATE talking about it because I feel like I'm seeking attention, so I've kept the thoughts mostly to myself. I feel so helpless, I don't know what to do. I feel like there's nothing, I feel numb. All of my morals have gone out the window, I'm sleeping around and drinking most days, if I'm not at work or doing the first 2 I'll be watching horror films or sleeping as much as I possibly can. I'm on anti-depressants, 30mg of citalopram. I'm so ashamed of how I feel, I don't feel worthy because I feel like this. Everything is vicious circle and I just don't care anymore, about anything. Death is the easy way out, and that's what I want, an easy way out. I scare myself on a daily basis, I feel like I'm not even me, like someone else has taken over. I don't know what this is going to achieve, fuck all probably, but I guess if people see I'm trying to do something about it they won't be so angry if I find the guts to do it.