My mother passed away almost six years ago. I was told by my father that my mother passed away in her sleep of a heart attack. He would not approve an autopsy at the time and I didn't question anything. She was only 51 years old. After researching and visiting with professionals I'm now under the impression that she may have intentionally overdosed on her prescription anti-depressants. In the weeks leading up to her passing she gave away most of her prized possesions and even placed her wedding ring in a jewelry box. This was unusual because she never removed it, not even to sleep. When she was buried we had no idea where her ring was and it was the next day when it turned up. The week before her passing I remember that she gave me a big hug and was in tears while telling me how much she loved me and how proud she was of me. I didn't think much of it at the time. My mother suffered from depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember and I thought she was having a moment. My father recently engaged and I think that is what triggered my interest in researching and addressing the tucked away feelings of her loss. His fiance has made a couple of comments that led me to believe that I was mis-informed. Now that I'm coming to terms with suicide as a possibility I'm reliving all of the feelings of loss again and there are so many unanswered questions. My mother was my best friend and we spoke daily on the phone. I'm posting this in hopes that if another has experienced something similar that you may provide some suggestions for working through these new feelings of guilt and might I even suggest anger for leaving me. I'm meeting with her psychiatrist tomorrow to discuss my recent anxiety and am very nervous about that. I haven't spoken with him in years and am hoping to learn his opinion on the possibility and receive some counseling for how to cope. I'm always on the verge of tears it seems and hiding it from my son is getting increasingly difficult. I've doubled my clothing size in 10 months as well. It's time to get these feelings under control.