I was wondering if anyone has any experience with this. I've had many many major depressive episodes and I know what those are like for me. They usually involve waves of pain, crying, extreme hopelessness, I get lathargic, and sort of have a feeling I just have to wait it out. BUT, this time I feel like I suppressed these feelings (obviously I not sure) a few months ago, have had a one or more psychotic experiences (not big - just weird and new) during the last couple months, and as of the last couple weeks have been having the following problems. I'm not real familiar with anxiety (I've never had panic attacks), but I guess my fist clenching and weird straining movements I've been making with my hands have something to do with anxiety. I don't feel like I can think real well. Sometimes when I'm reclined in a comfortable chair my head feels weird - kind of dizzy, but not spinning. I only feel safe at home, I don't want to drive any distance any where because I don't feel completely like my normal way of being in control on short trips. I'm sure there are more things I can't think of right now. I feel as if I'm not consciously letting myself be in the depression I should be. Some times I can get a glimps of what my hopeless thoughts are (they are really really bad), but I'm not feeling the pain. I'm feeling really really strange emotionally and somewhat physically (mostly my head). I'm very afraid that I may wind up in my depression that may this time not be survivable. Has anyone else every experienced this and if so what happened.