Next Tuesday or Wednesday

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by meilma, Jun 29, 2011.

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  1. meilma

    meilma Account Closed

    Things are moving along nicely. Next Tuesday or Wednesday I will find an excuse to "be out of town," check into a motel and kill myself. I won't be able to get the <method> I plan on using until Sunday. This is definitely a rational suicide. I am doing it both to end my own pain, and to decrease the pain felt by my family. I know everyone is going to say this will only increase their pain. True. For a couple of weeks. And then most who are willing to be honest with themselves will say "At least he finally did the right thing."
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 29, 2011
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    What's going on?
    What on earth has brought you to this pass :hug:
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Can you share with us the reason you have chosen this path?? Life is full of ups and downs.. It sounds like you are stuck in a down mood.. Why not let us help you.. It's never too late to change your mind..
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No such thing as a rational suicide hun so you get help for your depression so all those distorted thoughts can go away.
  5. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Hi meilma,

    Nobody really knows for sure what it would be like in the future…although you might think you know…

    What if you do “fail” in suicide attempt?

    What if the insurance would not work the way you think it would?

    You said

    Is it really?

    What an imagination?!

    What if what would actually happen is nothing like what you’ve imagined??

    You said

    Is it really “natural”? So maybe one can say that you are doing it mainly for your “pride“?

    Can you slow down and think about how to live for a moment?

    With so many years of experiences as a physician, maybe you can find a job related to your experiences such as a pharmacist?

    Maybe your thoughts and feelings will change if you can see through the “pride”, which is actually of the ego (the conditioned mind)?

    Maybe you can live a simple life and actually enjoy a new life style. As you might have seen from your life experiences, money cannot buy happiness. You may also be able to see that the opposite can be true - happiness is possible with less money…

    All one can deal with is this moment. Nobody really knows what the future holds. There are simply too many things that can come into play while we have no way of knowing…

    May you have the courage to continue to live…
  6. meilma

    meilma Account Closed

    I recently lost my job. I am a lawyer and have been disbarred. I am an alcoholic and addict and have put my family through hell in the past. We have enough money left for one year. Then we have to sell the house. My daughter is getting married in one year as well. Of all my children, she is the one who has talked about her wedding day since she was 5 dreaming of it in great detail. I cannot have a lifetime of memories destroyed by my selfish actions. I am 54 and cannot switch to an alternate profession. I will have to start and stay at the bottom, with no savings and no retirement. It is time, for once in my life, to do something that puts others my own wishes and desires. Also, I cannot spend the rest of my life knowing that anyone who knows me is looking on with pity and derision.
  7. meilma

    meilma Account Closed

    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 30, 2011
  8. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    So you believe that your daughter’s dream wedding would be good with the money from your insurance? How would she feel really when she walks down the isle without you? Weren’t you supposed to be in her dream wedding, more importantly?

    Also, the insurance money, as a lawyer, maybe you know better how the insurance companies work when it comes to pay out? Who knows, maybe the investigation and lawsuit could go on for some time if the money would ever get paid out?

    I understand that it is hard to start all over again. Maybe it’s time to have a look at what life is really about? Your love for one another may be more essential?

    Maybe you can start some kind of business with part of the money from the sale proceeds of the house?

    The mind may be telling you “I cannot spend the rest of my life knowing that anyone who knows me is looking on with pity and derision.” - while you know it’s a thought that is not absolutely true…as you have the power to make choices… How others look on you is yet another thought. You have the power to ignore/go beyond it…

    Things in life change. How you think and feel also changes...

    Please let your heart lead you, not the mind…
  9. meilma

    meilma Account Closed

    Here is what you are not getting. The fact that the entire year leading up to here wedding and the wedding itself, would be tainted by our money problems as well as the fact the house would be selling at essentially the exact same time. Yes, her dream wedding included me walking her down the isle (I assume, it was not something that was ever discussed.) That is a small facet. All other facets, except that, would not be present if I remain here.

    Yes, the state I am in mandates all life insurance pays for suicide after a 2 year exclusion. The very rational rationale behind that is that if you become suicidal later you should not be penalized. The insurance company actuaries realize this and take it into account. Actuaries take everything into account. This is one of the few correct laws that I can remember seeing.

    Money is not everything. However, poverty sucks, especially for the late middle aged person who is used to one type of life.

    I don't know what my heart says. I have never heard a voice from my heart. If I had, perhaps I would not be in this situation. I actually think I am a sociopath, although not a criminal one; I could never hurt others.
  10. meilma

    meilma Account Closed

    Clearly, I am hoping that people can convince me that I should not kill myself. This is not a game, I am a very rational person and will recognize a compelling argument. None has occurred yet.
  11. meilma

    meilma Account Closed

    One other thing. Yes, I realize that if I work hard and apply myself I could well find myself better off than I am now. But the odds are significantly against me, and I do not want to take that chance. The results of the suicide are a sure thing.
  12. meilma

    meilma Account Closed

    Actually, I now have the perfect excuse to go out of town next Thursday, so that is the new appointment with forced destiny.
  13. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Is it rational that an event such as a wedding is more important than the bride’s father’s life?

    How would the bride, the groom, your family, the groom’s family and the wedding guests feel when they know how the wedding came to be? How would the family members really feel for the rest of their lives?

    It’s never too late to listen to what the heart has to say…and you can hear it when the mind is quiet…

    As you know, nobody can really convince you but yourself...
  14. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Please allow me to repeat what total eclipse said by quoting him below:

    Please go get some professional help...give yourself more time...
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