I said if nothing got better by the end of the month, I would take my life. I have tried so hard to look forward to something good and have tried to make something happen, like find a job for example. But it's just countless dead ends and frustration. Worse, I can never shake off so many painful memories. Today, it all just hit me so hard that I feel like no matter what I just have to accept I am a worthless human being. I don't mean to say all this for pity, but dammit, I can't turn to family or anyone else...that just makes things worse and causes more unwanted pain that I don't need right now.