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Next week is the end of the month

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sadhart, May 22, 2012.

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  1. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I said if nothing got better by the end of the month, I would take my life. I have tried so hard to look forward to something good and have tried to make something happen, like find a job for example. But it's just countless dead ends and frustration. Worse, I can never shake off so many painful memories. Today, it all just hit me so hard that I feel like no matter what I just have to accept I am a worthless human being. I don't mean to say all this for pity, but dammit, I can't turn to family or anyone else...that just makes things worse and causes more unwanted pain that I don't need right now.
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    It can take years to find improvement so setting a short deadline may not be ideal. Consider a slot machine that you've been feeding quarters into. You stop and walk away and the next person steps up and drops one quarter to hit jackpot. Don't walk away. Keep dropping in the quarters. At least with a slot machine, though, you can always come back and try again another day. What you propose has no return trip. Always keep your options open.
  3. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    the worst feeling in the world is hopelessness, i feel that hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, yet i am still here, why i ask? i too feel as if i am at the end of my rope and have nothing left, i lost my family over 3 years ago, i am in mental turmoil. my only advice would be if you get close to taking your life and have a moment of clarity, use it and call 911 on yourself, tell them. it could save your life and possibly lead into getting the right treatment we ALL deserve.
  4. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    sadhart, I said it before and I'll say it again, you're not worthless. I'm not just saying that because it's the nice thing to say. You can't blame yourself for not finding a job with the economy the way it is. Things like that take time. I wish you'd give yourself more time, because you deserve it. Don't worry about venting, that's what we're here for. I can't blame you for not wanting to vent to your family. Sometimes they're the last people you want to turn to, especially when turning to them only makes you feel worse. I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, because it's your life and only you can make that choice. Just want you to know that there are people out there who care. Even if we are just 'strangers on the internet'.
  5. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I know I shouldn't give up, and I appreciate everyone's words, but what gets me is how so much pain is coming in so many directions. O know that taking my life is my choice...my right, but it's so frustrating to put an effort in overcoming my fears and obstacles. I haven't been to church in a while and someone emailed me letting me know that I was missed there. I haven't replied to her yet, because I feel ashamed and afraid to open up about my problems. I've done so in the past and felt a stupid and pathetic for doing so.

    I wish I could fake being happy, but that just ends up making things worse.
  6. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Nah, don't fake it. I hate faking happiness. I know it's frustrating, and I wish I knew the things to say to make it easier. Just know that I don't think you're stupid or pathetic. I believe you absolutely do have the ability to overcome your obstacles, but the hardest part is finding the strength and motivation to do so. That's what I'm struggling with right now as well. I still wish you the very best of luck and hope that things can turn around for you soon, the sooner the better as I know you're quickly losing faith. Hang in there, buddy.
  7. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Hey sadhart
    As said in the other posts your not worthless.Being a job searcher can be very stressing especially when you are down and out already.I am in same situation at the moment trying to seek work and trying to deal with all the issues i have going on .All you can do is keep plugging away at each problem as rome wasnt built in a day and i know it can get frustrating at times but each challenge that you can get through the stronger you become.Take care and keep on venting here as you need to as that does good too
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