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Next weekend

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Faithful, Oct 2, 2010.

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  1. Faithful

    Faithful Member

    I have all the plans in place to kill myself next weekend. XXXX
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 2, 2010
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and so sorry you are feeling this way...what is going on for you? Please share with us what brought you to this place...I am sure that there are many ppl here who can support you...J
  3. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    hi faithfull, welcome to the forum. talk to us. a lot of us feel the same here.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you call crisis line then to get some help I hope you call your doctor get some support for you. Whatever it is talk it out here so others can help support you okay. There is always a way to get help okay Call emergency dept go to hospital they can give you avenues for help as well. Glad you finally were able to post now keep posting okay No need to set any time limits on getting yourself well. The sadness the pain all can be dealt with with help okay so keep reaching out for support
  5. Live_life

    Live_life Member

    What do you hope to achieve? You think you will be released from your torment? Death is not the end for it is only the beginning. So do not fool yourself or let those thoughts in your head tell you otherwise for the devil is only a deciever and his aim is for you to kill yourself so that the real torment can begin. If you really want an alternative to this and a way out of this then message me.
  6. dreams4life

    dreams4life Well-Known Member

    Please don't hurt yourself. There is hope. You can fight these feelings. Just open up your feelings here.
  7. Faithful

    Faithful Member

    I wish it was next saturday, right now I could go through with it. But I have my 'to do' list to get through first. It is taking all my strength not to walk out of the front door and head to my final destination.

    I just don't feel like I belong in this world. I am a worthless, disgusting, boring human being, seriously the world doesn't need me. But I just wanted to share with somebody that I am going to die; I am so afraid of dying without anybody knowing why. Yet, I am afraid to say why.

    Violet, your reply touched me greatly. Part of me (a big part) wishes I could turn up at my GP's or A&E and scream for help. But I live in a fairly rural area and work in mental health; though not directly involved with crisis teams etc now, I have been in the past. They work in the same building as me, they all know me. I know all the local psychiatrists. Fact is, I would rather be dead, than so many people I know, be aware of my personal life.

    Live_life, afraid I lost my faith a long time ago...

    With much love and huge thanks
    F Xxxxx
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Faithful. Please don't go through with your suicide plan next saturday. What has caused you to want to end your life so early? Also, I think you have to let people in your real life know that you are hanging on by a thread so that you can get the help that you need. If no one knows how you are feeling then how can you get any help?

    Live_Life also brings up a good point about not knowing what happens after we die. We think that death is the final part of our lives, but what happens after death? Do we go to heaven or do we wander around aimlessly, wondering why we chose to die too soon? Please get help before it is too late. :hug:
  9. dreams4life

    dreams4life Well-Known Member

    Faithful, You are not worthless. Your price is higher than the whole world. You are not disgusting. You are precious and wonderfully made. I can understand how sharing this to someone would be difficult. Be of good courage.
  10. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    What are you going through right now, Faithful? Is there anything we can help with?
  11. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    keep sharing faithful...we won't judge...we just want to help if we can...
    I really hope you change your mind and stay...
    can you go out of town to a new GP or hospital?
  12. Faithful

    Faithful Member

    Thank-you for all your kind words.

    I do have a therapist. Started with him privately 4 weeks ago. I've only met him once though as he's been away on a long holiday. Due to see him again on Wednesday. Not sure whether to tell him, I need to find out his confidentiality policy first.

    I'm so scared of myself. I'm broken into little pieces and overwhelmed by how much fixing needs doing.

    F Xxxx
  13. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I hope you can tell the therapist how you really feel and find some help for your depression...hold on till then ok
  14. Huw

    Huw Well-Known Member

    Nobody should die alone. If you'd like me to hold your hand just pm me and I'll come. I won't assist you in any way I'll just be there for you.
  15. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    I'm broken into little pieces and overwhelmed by how much fixing needs doing.

    the way to address this is relatively easy. try not to look at the whole of the broken you, try to fix little things. if a cup is broken you stick little bits back together piece by piece. that is what i have found over the years. looking at the big picture can be daunting/frightening, by focusing on little bits we can achieve smaller, easier steps.
  16. Faithful

    Faithful Member

    I've never really thought of myself as being depressed - that really struck me. Sitting and thinking of the clinical signs of depression, and how I feel at the moment. Not eating, sleeping, constantly tired, catatonic at times, poor concentration.... it all fits.

    atruster - I'm genuinely touched that a stranger would do that, except I wouldn't allow it. It is not right to ask or to accept. Being able to share my feelings, even if it is online, is all I am seeking.

    I'll consider what you are saying stig, it makes much sense.

    F Xxxxx
  17. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    just do little things, things that you can achieve easily. they will make you feel better and more able to tackle the bigger ones. give yourself a break too.
  18. Faithful

    Faithful Member

    I've just spent the last couple of hours doing work which I must have completed by Friday so I can be calibrated to use a a new assessment tool at work. I've worked really hard over the past 3 months to do this, and now its done I feel a sense of achievement. Particularly as I found the focus and concentration today.

    A thought just occurred to me that if I was absolutely certain that next weekend I'd be dead, then why would I have worked so meticulously today?! If I keep busy i'm okay, but as soon as I stop I find myself drifting into an unsafe place which I can't get out of. I do things which I don't recall doing, like writing lists, plans, and self-harm. Then when I snap out of it, I'm like 'what the hell happened there??' :blink:
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