I'm just upset with the way society works nowadays. How it sells certain stereotypes and, even worse, how people follow them and consider all the rest that are different useless and dysfunctional. There's a saying- "nice guys finish last" and there is probably the same one for girls too. It is true. All my life I've been the "nice" girl, the quiet girl who won't say anything unless she really wants to get to a point. But in the end the ones who were more outgoing, who talked more, who even acted bitchy if it was essential in order for things to go their way, the ones who were over confident always got the attention and the praise. I can't forget high school, of course. In my first year, I was completely ignored by the rest of the school. I had my own psychological issues of course, but I did try to make friends, to somehow create one of these "social lives" for myself. I was one of the invisibles. Even laughed at at times because I didn't dress like a slut -but not like a nun, either-. I was bullied by some of classmates, for being quiet. I never did anything bad to anyone. I was kind to them. I was nice to the people who came to me. But still, the ones who got all the friends and the guys were the ones who had an "attitude", if you get what I mean. Oh, and no word about the whole being a virgin thing. Everyone was losing it and making it seem like a big deal and the ones who wanted to wait until it was actually worth it -like myself- were considered losers. Being a "nice girl" hasn't excactly brought me much luck when it comes to relationships, either. I did have a boyfriend through high school, but he was even more depressed than I was, and our relationship basically consisted of long talks about death and whatever follows. I wasn't the right person to comfort him and give him hope, since my life had been going downhill then (dad being abusive, hurting both me and mom, then stepdad being violent) and I didn't see the light in the end of the tunnel at all. He had a lot of break downs, would rarely show up at school, and because I was worried, I would skip classes too to keep an eye on him. In the end his family decided to move out of town, start over and switch therapists as his situation was getting worse. Ever since I haven't managed to find anyone else who will accept me for who I am. There was this other guy almost a year ago, our relationship lasted for about 4 months but we rarely saw each other, and he just not right for me For the last 2 months of our relationship I was trying to break up with him but he was threatening to jump off a bridge. So, yeah. I know I'm still young, but I don't know, I feel just hopeless. All my life I've been watching people, and I have yet to see someone who doesn't change to the worse in order to fit in. Maybe there are no fairytale matches after all. I want someone I can connect with. Someone who is not afraid to be thereselves no matter what other people will say about him. Someone who is open minded and likes being different than the rest. Oh, and someone who doesn't need to bitch in order to get their way. I don't know. Am I asking for too much? Being nice really doesn't get you to the end. It might get you to the middle but not to the end.