Nice girls finish last, don't they?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Untouchable, Oct 17, 2010.

  1. Untouchable

    Untouchable Well-Known Member

    I'm just upset with the way society works nowadays. How it sells certain stereotypes and, even worse, how people follow them and consider all the rest that are different useless and dysfunctional.

    There's a saying- "nice guys finish last" and there is probably the same one for girls too. It is true. All my life I've been the "nice" girl, the quiet girl who won't say anything unless she really wants to get to a point. But in the end the ones who were more outgoing, who talked more, who even acted bitchy if it was essential in order for things to go their way, the ones who were over confident always got the attention and the praise.

    I can't forget high school, of course. In my first year, I was completely ignored by the rest of the school. I had my own psychological issues of course, but I did try to make friends, to somehow create one of these "social lives" for myself. I was one of the invisibles. Even laughed at at times because I didn't dress like a slut -but not like a nun, either-. I was bullied by some of classmates, for being quiet.

    I never did anything bad to anyone. I was kind to them. I was nice to the people who came to me. But still, the ones who got all the friends and the guys were the ones who had an "attitude", if you get what I mean. Oh, and no word about the whole being a virgin thing. Everyone was losing it and making it seem like a big deal and the ones who wanted to wait until it was actually worth it -like myself- were considered losers.

    Being a "nice girl" hasn't excactly brought me much luck when it comes to relationships, either. I did have a boyfriend through high school, but he was even more depressed than I was, and our relationship basically consisted of long talks about death and whatever follows. I wasn't the right person to comfort him and give him hope, since my life had been going downhill then (dad being abusive, hurting both me and mom, then stepdad being violent) and I didn't see the light in the end of the tunnel at all. He had a lot of break downs, would rarely show up at school, and because I was worried, I would skip classes too to keep an eye on him. In the end his family decided to move out of town, start over and switch therapists as his situation was getting worse.

    Ever since I haven't managed to find anyone else who will accept me for who I am. There was this other guy almost a year ago, our relationship lasted for about 4 months but we rarely saw each other, and he just not right for me For the last 2 months of our relationship I was trying to break up with him but he was threatening to jump off a bridge. So, yeah.

    I know I'm still young, but I don't know, I feel just hopeless. All my life I've been watching people, and I have yet to see someone who doesn't change to the worse in order to fit in. Maybe there are no fairytale matches after all. I want someone I can connect with. Someone who is not afraid to be thereselves no matter what other people will say about him. Someone who is open minded and likes being different than the rest. Oh, and someone who doesn't need to bitch in order to get their way.

    I don't know. Am I asking for too much? Being nice really doesn't get you to the end. It might get you to the middle but not to the end.
  2. Deanna

    Deanna Active Member

    It's interesting how if you're a "nice" person, people automatically assume they can walk all over you. Then when you don't let them walk all over you, they're shocked, and suddenly you're a "bitch."
  3. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    It is easy to be mean, callous and rude.
    It even gives some people joy, it is often those who lack something, who are at times jealous of something you have that do such things.
    Often girls who are 'slutty' are those who either developed early or were introduced to sex at a young age, perhaps in something seemingly innocent like kissing or overly affectionate hugs, perhaps with a father, uncle or even a brother, but it eventually grew, as they became aware of their sexuality but didnt understand how to control it, they felt happy that boys wanted them to be around, they felt popular, they would do things other girls would, starting with kissing, maybe dressing in a less than conservative manner and even doing sexual things.
    This evolves into a self-loathing, as the girl loses respect for herself, she may also lose some of the attention she had from guys because she is no longer young, exciting or interesting, she is just a slut, kept around for the need of a slut, so in turn, she picks on you, the 'nice girl', because you are, what she is not.
    You are kind, without reason to be save for the sake of kindness. You are pretty without having to be a slut or dress as one. You have self-respect, you are a virgin.
    It is easy to be swallowed up by the emptiness, the darkness, it is quite hard to shine brightly.
  4. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Such is life.

    I am on a reasonably regular basis being told that i am a catch blah blah blah. I am convinced people feel the need to placate me because no one ever actually wants to be with me.

    Unfortunately i don't have any answers for you, but no, you are not asking for too much.

    Don't change youself though. You only want someone who wants you as you are, you'll be miserable otherwise.
  5. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    it seems that in early life, bad girls and boys live alot but when they get older, they want a nice girl to settle down with...they don't want a rude skank who's been with 80 men, or vice versa...

    I think those people are quite unhappy and are looking for happiness through sex and conquest...

    I think if you stay true to yourself, you will find someone who will love you for you...and will want to be with you for the right reasons...
  6. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

  7. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member


    We can only do our best.
    You have to decide what you really want and how you will achieve that desired goal.
  8. James888

    James888 Member

    I'm sorry you feel this way. I hope you feel better. I hope you will be inspired to become more proactive so that you feel better!
  9. 1112222

    1112222 Well-Known Member


    But what I find most puzzling is that there are soooo many people out there who can be classified as genuinely nice people. But for some unknown reason they seem to believe that they must act like a human doormat or people won't like them.

    Also UT It sounds like your last BF was the type who likes to emotional blackmail people when shit doesn't go their way.
    Take it from someone who has had experience with these types, avoid them the plague .
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 19, 2010
  10. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    yea, so true. we do
  11. down-and-maybeout

    down-and-maybeout Well-Known Member

    It's not just nice girls - nice people always finish last because they get walked all over, and in society today you have to be the one doing the walking all over if you want to get ahead in life. That applies to relationships, working life, pretty much everything really.

    You just have to live as you believe is right. No-one can ask any more of you than that.
  12. foreverforgotten

    foreverforgotten Well-Known Member

  13. dartofabaris

    dartofabaris Well-Known Member

    First off, you are certainly not asking for too much: your need to connect genuinely, freely and humanely with someone you are comfortable and secure with is an essential need. Secondly, guys who hold you ransom by threatening you are at best infantile and animalistic who cannot help you overcome your trials and tribulations let alone help themselves, avoid these guys, cause they have no love to give, i dont think they even comprehend the full extent of the word.

    Dont bear the self-deprecating brunt of your innate guilt: it will plunder your goodness and youth. As the cliche goes, there is always someone for everyone; dont attach yourself readily to someone who merely seems sympathetic in your first few meetings. Like you, i too learnt the hard way.
    Finally, Its great that you know what you really want, work towards it, meet people with a pinch of salt (not negative skepticism though!), and quite frankly if i met a nice girl like you, id grab you! :p is a cow who thinks he's a dog ::cow:
  14. BP#1

    BP#1 Well-Known Member

    Hell all l ever wanted was a nice girl. Never found one. l've been called naive, didn't know when a girl wanted me unless she grabbed me. Only been in two relationships (define nice girl) one 10 years, other 13. Ya, now my girlfriends are lesbians and l have no headaches. Why? Because they're nice girls.... Joseph..
  15. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    I agree with this. Nice girls are tops. It might not get you that far in school but people that are actually interesting individuals instead of crowd huggers always seem to get the happiest relationships later on. If you can put some nice and some outgoing together I think you'll be okay.
  16. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Keep in mind that guys don't want to marry the girl who sleeps around with everyone, because who would really want a wife like that? Maybe being the 'nice girl' or 'nice guy' won't get you the dates that you're looking for, but when it comes down to getting a wife or a husband, your 'niceness' will work in your favour. ;)