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Nice Guys Finish Last?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by fromthatshow, Jun 15, 2009.

  1. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I saw that on one of the replies to a post and it got me thinking. Do girls really want an asshole? That's what I've seen on facebook, in real life. Girls prefer the guy that is not sweet, and I've always been sweet. Sometimes it's worked for me.
    There are a couple girls I like?
    Sweet & romantic
    or asshole?
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Basically, what I've been told is that until you're around 30, the girls around you are retarded, and do such things as date assholes.

    I'm only 21, though, so I'm not sure.

    I would suppose that unmotivated depressed guys finish last, though...
  3. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Hey Spencer, Mike here! I hope you get women and girls to reply as I'm always interested in this type of thread. I've always been a romantic. Open doors, flowers within first couple of dates, a nice gift after a few weeks and on and on.

    Of the serious or semi-serious women in my life I could find no distinction based on age. The majority liked to be treated well but not too nice, then there were some that liked romantic with lots of flowers and some who said I was "too nice" and that getting them flowers right away was a turn-off. They were the ones that used to get smacked around by their ex b.f.'s and there's no way I would ever do that. So girls, lets hear it....
  4. M!ke

    M!ke Well-Known Member

    Yeah really. I'd love to hear a answer to this one.
  5. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I have been accused of dating total assholes (one shot at me) and a few nice guys so I am very qualified to answer this...plus at 40 and female I know everything about dating and the fact that I have dated about every guy in LA make me an authority on the subject..hehe.

    What is nice about "assholes" is they tend to be manly, take-charge kind of guys which is attractive to me. I am old fashioned so this is something I like in a man. "Nice guys" are often too easy-going and too agreeable. It is nice to have some one tender but it seems they rarely take charge which I like. I know these are generalizations but so is the idea that women just like assholes. I hope I explained this, I have polled my women friends through out the years and this is basically what we feel.

    Love this thread I hope to see more posts. Feel free to ask me anything....Love: Ask B the Love Doctor...omg!

    Thanks for a thoughtful thread Spencer!
  6. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head.

    I'm 26, I used to always date nice guys but the closer I get to 30 the more I seem to find myself being attracted to the assholes.
    I've seen everybody else around me, do it the other way around though! Maybe it's the thrill of the chase and enjoying being kept on your toes. Life is all just one big adventure in your 20s I suppose, before you realise you've got to become an actual grown up.
    And as you get older - priorities change. You want stability, ambition, romance, sensitivity, altruism, someone who will make a good father etc. none of these things a bad boy has.
    But a nice guy has them all.
  7. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Personally I think some girls are turned away by ridiculously nice guys because they think "too easy", and a lot of people are attracted to someone who is going to keep them on their toes a little and keep them guessing, usually when couples know what is coming next it's because they've been married for 10 years.
    That's just my guess! I'm not sure if I'm right or wrong, but I suppose women like a little bit of drama, and if you know this guy will never put a foot wrong, will always be sweet and straight down the line, it gets a little bit boring.
    That's not to say he has to be an asshole though! Nooo, far from it. But I do believe a person can be too nice, yes.
  8. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    "There's no such thing as a lonely jerk."
  9. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    interesting quote :)

    I suppose it's possible to be too nice.
  10. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    Thanks, I came up with it BTW. I'm not quoting someone. It's something I noticed to be very true in life. And yes, I've been told by women in the past that I was "too nice" There were wrong, it's impossible to be "too nice".

    Personally I'd rather be dead then become a jerk to get a woman. It's beginning to look like that's going to be the case as I'm still alone in life.
  11. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Being nice and a good man is very different from being a dull, soft pushover. I think nice guys finish first. But all too often "nice" is used as a euphemism for somebody totally undatable, lol.

    Be a good man and then you'll find somebody attracted to you. Don't worry about your looks. Just get really really funny :D

  12. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    nice guys finish last because they're we're boring and have unattractive traits. It doesnt mean that other guys are arseholes because they have someone and someone nice doesnt, i know nice ppl who get girls, but they have hobbys, interests, confidence and drive.

    I feel like the nice guy. My friends say i'm the favourite and the funny one, but they can all attract the opposite sex, i can't.

    I know when i go back to uni in september i cant get the girl i like being what i am now, nice, boring and easy, everynight i think of ways to change me to be someone more than a friend. I think i'll go back and be a bit of a dickhead, create fake mysterys surrounding myself, act like no one is good enough for me, that should work ey....?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 16, 2009
  13. mike25

    mike25 Well-Known Member

    They do finish last a lot of the time, but not always, so there's hope!
  14. Zurkhardo

    Zurkhardo Well-Known Member

    I would argue that the key is balance. Women want to be treated well (of course) but at the same time they want someone who is confident, aggressive, and independent and nice guys, even if they fit all those descriptions, don't come off that way.

    Indeed, striking that balance is the most difficult thing in the world, but it's well worth it, both for getting women and for living life for that matter!
  15. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    It's just the things that usually come with being nice happen to turn off a lot of women and the things that usually come with being a jerk are attractive and more manly. If I was a chick I wouldn't want to date a pushover either. I wouldn't want to date someone who was just a pain in the ass either but I'd prefer a funny, confident and attractive pain in the ass over someone that just rolled along with everything I said because he was afraid of rocking the boat. I'm a guy and even I find that unattractive.
  16. Zurkhardo

    Zurkhardo Well-Known Member

    It's sad because a lot of people could just be naturally agreeable or easy-going about things. So much for being one's self then :p
  17. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    Exactly. What do so many people recommend in dating and in life? "Just be yourself" That's obviously bad advice. I've been myself 24 hours a day for my entire 45 years, and yet here I am all alone.
  18. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    yeah, same here,(only thing I am ONLY 44 :D ) but I guess I am too stubborn now and too tired of making myself fitting allover, many times against my ideologies or opinions.

    So I guess alone it will be.
  19. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Well, I consider myself to be a nice guy. And while my ex told me to scram, and I did indeed finish "last"....the rewards for a nice guy who finishes last are at least in my case, greater than the stupid moronic jerkwad guys that finish first.
  20. Zurkhardo

    Zurkhardo Well-Known Member

    In this ego driven society, it's difficult to be one's self. We all want someone who fits us perfectly rather than someone human. But I digress :p