I haven't been going to class or doing any of my homework lately. Just bottled up in a room, in pajamas, all day every day... at any rate, I didn't do my last computer science homework. I had a solution from a similar homework assignment from last year, so I as using that as help, but that's cheating so I ended up just not doing it and turning in empty files. Today I checked my email and my professor had emailed me asking me to turn in a new zip file asap if the empty one had been submitted by mistake. :/ Last year I accidentally turned in a almost-empty file (D'OH) and emailed the professor (the same guy) about it, and he let me resubmit the assignment, even after the solutions were out. The solutions are already posted this time around, too. He's really nice and careful about explaining things and making sure his students understand everything. Since I'm not actually in the school of engineering, I can't enroll in computer science classes. But last year I emailed him about it and he gave me words of encouragement .___. I think that's what gave me the push to finish the class, since at the time I was kind of failing and considering dropping it. This year when I emailed him for special permission to enroll in the class he remembered me .____.;; I feel really bad, because I haven't thanked him for anything he's done for me. I can't talk to him face to face either because I'm really ashamed and embarrassed. Aughhhh Well, to make things worse, my boyfriend just told me a story. He said, "Once upon a time, there was a teacher who wanted her students to know everything that she did, so she tried really hard. But there was this one kid who didn't care about learning and only came to class to talk to people and fool around. The teacher was worried and had a conference with his parents about the issue, but the parents waved it off as childish behavior. "He'll grow out of it!" they said. Eventually the kid had really bad grades and ended up getting expelled. The teacher sighed because she figured she had done everything she could, and continued to teach other students. And the kid that got expelled was lonely and all by himself..." Goddamn, isn't that a terrible story? Like what the fudge is that supposed to mean? If I don't straighten up I will be all alone and unemployed and looked down on and trampled and forgotten... that sounds about right, huh? It's really not something I want to think about.... I'm such a failure. If I don't kill myself now that's exactly what is going to happen to me. Sigh sigh sigh sigh I'm really worried!!! I'm really worried. But I can't get my act together. Everything is just going downhill and soon the shit is going to hit t h e f a n *SPLATT* (...why am I so weird?! T_T) This writing is kind of helter skelter and all over the place. But the bottom line is, I feel indebted to random people who do nice things for me and it makes me feel guilty.