Hi my name is Zakk, I've recently been battling a lot of personal issues and a friend of mine committed suicide not every long ago. I have a lot of health issues and I keep it mostly hidden from my social life. I had Burkitts lymphoma when I was a kid and I've had problems ever since. I usually try and be optimistic, but lately I've been becoming pessimistic and it's frustrating me so bad. I've attempted Suicide in the past twice, both attempts left me in the hospital drinking charcoal and getting my stomach pumped. I'm 20 years old, I'm a college student, and a singer songwriter for a band in southern Oregon. Music and writing has always been my release and I would have fallen off the planet long ago without them. I would like to think of myself as an intelligent person, I'm really good with people, and I do have a lot of friends. I just can't talk to any of them, or my family for that matter about what's going on inside me. I'm addicted to prescription pills and I am a frequent drinker which probably doesn't help with anything at all. And if in worst case scenario would be my way out. I know I'm not alone in these thoughts/feelings and I want to help people and hopefully myself in and outside the forum with conflicts going on. I've been down in the dumps with relationships and I've lost people really close to me. I live on my own, but the thought of my immediate families faces is the only thing that keeps me from going completely through.. If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I'm here for anyone who wants to reach out because I know suicide is far from a joke. I realized I should probably get therapy after I found myself drunk one night looking online at painless ways to commit suicide. Maybe next time I can just talk to someone. I want to remain anonymous for the most part, but I do not have a problem sharing my first name. Thanks. I look forward to initiating with this community.