Night before Last

[Shad]

I hit an all time low. I showered and shaved, got nice and cleaned up. You know ya gotta look good when they find you. Then I drove deep into the woods just before dark. I sat there for a few hours. Weeping like fool.
I tied a rope on a low lying limb and stood on a bucket I had in the back of the truck. I taughted myself "just do it". Just waiting to lose my balance. Why I didnt is beyond me. I'm quite prepared. I think the thought of my mother hurting over it held me back. So after putting myself thru hell till the rooster crowed, I decided to give life one more try. It cant get much worse. So I'm still here. I dont know why I'm writing this here and sharing my most horrible moments is beyond me. I just know something has to go right sooner or later. So I'm here on earth for awhile longer.

 

[Patch]

I'm glad you're still here :hug: please pm me if you ever want to talk

 

[dazzle11215]

hey Shad, i could totally relate to what you wrote.
it reminded me so much of my frame of mind at the time of my last attempt.

i'm glad you were able to hold on. i'm glad you are still with us.

 

[demonhunter999]

Yeah according to what everyone says, for some reason suicide causes terrible lasting hurt to close family members of the suicidee.

 

[RememberLove]

Deep deep down somewhere inside of you still wants to live!!!

Just hold on, like talk to a friend or someone you trust or even pm someone here (!) when its worst and that person will listen and care for you till it passes away, and you will feel better!!!

Have faith in you...