I hit an all time low. I showered and shaved, got nice and cleaned up. You know ya gotta look good when they find you. Then I drove deep into the woods just before dark. I sat there for a few hours. Weeping like fool. I tied a rope on a low lying limb and stood on a bucket I had in the back of the truck. I taughted myself "just do it". Just waiting to lose my balance. Why I didnt is beyond me. I'm quite prepared. I think the thought of my mother hurting over it held me back. So after putting myself thru hell till the rooster crowed, I decided to give life one more try. It cant get much worse. So I'm still here. I dont know why I'm writing this here and sharing my most horrible moments is beyond me. I just know something has to go right sooner or later. So I'm here on earth for awhile longer.