Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by blackorchidx33, Aug 27, 2007.

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  1. Ok since my ex sent those emails basically rehashing all the facts of then he raped me because he thought they were funny I have been getting flashbacks
    Now those have to turned into nightmares. I wake up crying and its getting to the point that i must be crying so hard i am giving myself bloody noses. I dont even notice that i am actually crying until i start hyperventilating and wake myself up. My boyfriend wants to sleep over again but i cant let him see me like this. How do i get them to go away? They havent ever been this bad. I dont know what to do. Him and I are great and the flash backs were getting better. But now these stupid nightmares are happening. I cant handle this. I am not getting back to sleep. They are making me so tired during the day and its affecting my friendships. My therpist said to write journals. but it doesnt seem to be working. So then she told me to take a walk and tire myself out but that makes me even more tired. :sad: i dont know what to do.
  2. syntaxerror

    syntaxerror Antiquities Friend

    flashbacks and nightmares really suck. it's due to ptsd - my therapist has been having me do "safe places" and stuff to visualize and grounding - where you say outloud five things you can see right then, 5 things you can feel, 5 things you can here, then 4, then 3, then 2, then 1 - it's to help get you back to reality vs the flashback. It's kind of helpful when I remember to do it. Mine slowed down a lot when I my ex and I separated (he didn't actually rape me, my 1st ex did, but my stbx was very violent with me at times). Contact with that person makes it worse - can you block his e-mails? Anyway - that stuff in the night is really hard and I hope that things settle down for you. sometimes with this stuff - you can go through a bad period and things get better for a while and then another bad period and then better....hoping here to have the bad flash backs and stuff farther apart and less frequent...but anyway - not alone. Does your therapist specialize in trama counselling? because if not - might want to look for one that does because it's differnet than regular counselling - at least that's what my therapist says - I'm seeing a trauma counseller - just haven't seen her very much yet.
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Yeah, perhaps seeing someone who specializes in Trauma or discussing this as an option to your therapist may help.

    Have you spoken about your experience to anyone else.
  4. crazy

    crazy Well-Known Member

    heres an idea the my counselor gave me a couple weeks seems to help me...

    what you do is before you go to sleep you come up with a plan as to what to do in your dreams if you have a nightmere.....for me that means an encounter with "him"....come up with a plan on how to over power "him" or whatever elements in the dream make it horrific...then run it thro a few times in your head

    i hope that helps
  5. bella muerte

    bella muerte Well-Known Member

    you need to block his e-mails hun!
    it'll make it worse being in contact with him.
    you should talk about the nightmares and flashbacks with your doctor (pressuming you have one), or talk with a therapist.
    pm if you need to talk about them,
    i have them too, so your not alone :)
  6. bria

    bria Well-Known Member

    blackorchidx33 -

    I am so sorry you are going through this right now. I don't know how close you and you boyfriend are, but I know that when my flashbacks and nightmares got really bad having my fiance sleep next me helped a lot more than I thought possible. I sat him down and as best as I could explained what was going on. We came up with a code word that I would recognize as not being part of my nightmare, so he could at least say something. When they got back and woke him up he would hold me and reassure me until I came back. I am always here to talk if you need someone.
  7. My boyfriend and I haven't slept together as much. Do think that could be why? I do a lot better when he is here. He says hes never noticed it. I know I still have the nightmares but I must not be as scared of them. I dont know. I still wake up but I dont wake him. He is a very light sleeper. SO i dont know whats going on. I get the best sleep when he is around. Why is that? He cant be here all the time so I dont know what to do....
  8. bria

    bria Well-Known Member

    I sleep better with my fiance just because I am more relaxed when I fall asleep, hence fewer nightmares. Have you talked to anyone else about your nightmares? I just kind of slogged through mine and hurt a lot of people in the process, but I don't know your situation as well I do my own so it hard to say. I would, if you are comfortable, find someone who knows you that you can talk to, or find a therapist to talk to. I'm here to listen if you ever need someone. :hug:
  9. Whitewolf

    Whitewolf Well-Known Member

    Some factors that seem to contribute to nightmare frequency are: illness (especially fever), stress (caused by situations like the difficulties of adolescence, moving, hard times at school or work), troubled relationships and traumatic events, like being mugged or experiencing a serious earthquake. Traumatic events can trigger a long lasting series of recurrent nightmares.

    Some drugs and medications can cause an increase in nightmares. The reason for this is that many drugs suppress REM sleep, producing a later effect of REM-rebound. If you go to sleep drunk, you may sleep quite soundly, but dream little, until five or six hours into sleep. Then, the alcohol's effect has mostly worn off and your brain is prepared to make up for the lost REM time. As a result, you will dream more intensely than usual for the last few hours of your sleep time. The intensity is reflected in the emotionality of the dream, which often will be unpleasant.

    There are a few drugs which seem to increase nightmares by increasing the activity of some part of the REM system. Among these are l-DOPA, used in the treatment of Parkinsonism, and beta-blockers, used by people with some heart conditions. Since research has shown that lucid dreams tend to occur during periods of intense REM activity, [2] I believe that drugs that cause nightmares may also facilitate lucid dreaming. This is a topic I plan to research in years to come. I think that whether an intense REM period leads to dreams that are pleasantly exciting or terrifying depends on the attitude of the dreamer.

    Thus, it is to the dreamer's attitude that I think we should look in seeking a treatment for nightmares. For example, people rarely experience nightmares in the sleep laboratory, because they have a feeling of being observed and cared for. Likewise, children who awaken from nightmares and crawl into bed with their parents feel safe from harm and thus are less likely to have more bad dreams.

    I believe the best place to deal with unpleasant dreams is in their own context, in the dream world. We create our nightmares out of the raw material of our own fears. Fears are expectations—why would we fear something we thought would never happen? Expectations affect our waking lives, but even more so, they determine our dream lives. When in your waking life, you walk down a dark street, you fear that someone will threaten you. However, for some dark figure to actually leap out at you with a knife depends on there really being some knife-bearing thug hiding in an alley nearby waiting for a victim. On the contrary, if you dream of walking down a dark street, fearing attack, it is almost inevitable that you will be attacked, because you can readily imagine the desperate criminal waiting for you. But, if you had not thought that the situation was dangerous, there would be no thug, and no attack. Your only real enemy in dreams is your own fear.

    Most of us harbor some useless fears. Fear of speaking in public is a common example. In most cases, no harm will result from giving a speech, but this fact does not prevent many people from being as frightened of public speaking as they would be if faced by a life threatening situation. Likewise, to be afraid in a dream, while understandable, is unnecessary. Even when fear is useless, it is still quite unpleasant, and can be debilitating. An obvious way to improve our lives is to rid ourselves of unnecessary fear. How is this done?

    Research on behavior modification treatment for phobias shows that it is not enough for a person to know intellectually that the object of their fear is harmless. Snake phobics may "know" perfectly well that garter snakes are harmless, but they will still be afraid to pick one up. The way to learn to overcome fear is to face it—to approach the fearsome object or situation little by little. Each time you encounter the feared thing without harm you learn by experience that it cannot hurt you. This is the kind of approach we propose for overcoming nightmares. Many anecdotes demonstrate that the approach is effective, and can even be used by children.

    I think you have to talk with people you can trust about this issue, make sure that this guy goes to jail before he rapes someone else! I know it's probaly scary just to be near him, but you'll have police around you and people. This is confronting your fears. Once he's in jail you need to confront these dreams and tell yourself that this guy can't hurt you or anyone else anymore. *hug
  10. Smashed__

    Smashed__ Well-Known Member

    I would see about changing your email, or if you can block his email address or IP address then do so. I'm sure this would help a lot.
  11. Already done.
  12. JustWatchMeChange

    JustWatchMeChange Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for you. People can really suck. I love nightmares though. The only moments of pleasure I get is if I wake from a nightmare and can say Oh just a nightmare. For the same reason I hate nice dreams.
  13. GAHD that is just straight awefull. My prayers are with you.
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