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Night time is so much harder

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by bythelowtide, Sep 8, 2016.

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  1. bythelowtide

    bythelowtide Active Member

    Does anyone else feel like once the day is coming to a close everything feels like it is crashing down? I get a whole lot more anxiety and depression at night and often feel like I don't know how I'm going to make it through the night. I start thinking about everything I've done wrong through the day, throughout my life, and then it just progressively goes downhill. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this? I usually end up texting someone but feel so bad that it's so late and that I'm a burden to them.
  2. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    Wow-that's a very short question with a very long answer . . . There is a lot going on with a person who feels the way that you do. I should know-I used to be exactly the same. I dreaded the nights because that was when I took score of the day and knew that I had fallen short in so many things. Then that failure would lead to the bigger ones-failed relationships, jobs lost, money squandered. I'd go to bed with the sounds of shame and self-loathing ringing in my ears. I'm such a f---g loser, I would say to myself every night before I turned the lights off and pretended to go to sleep. Why can't I get life right? Why am I such a f---g failure?

    It breaks my heart when I look back on the way that I used to communicate with myself-when I look back now, I can't believe that I treated myself exactly the way that the people I hated treated me. I beat myself up and put myself down-I was harder on myself than anyone else ever was. It was always the worst at night because I had nothing to keep me distracted from all of the heaviness of my life when it was time to go to bed. I could no longer keep my brain occupied and amused so that I wouldn't think about the really important questions. Like what the hell are you getting at anyway? What is the point of this game and why can you never win it?

    What I finally ended up doing to make the situation better was changing the way that I talked to myself-instead of thinking about the things that I'd done wrong that day I thought about the things I'd done right. Instead of thinking about the situations that had happened that I resented, I thought about the situations that I was grateful for. Instead of thinking about the times when people treated me coldly, I thought about the times when people were kind to me and fair. But above all-I changed my nights by always being kind and fair to myself and always giving myself permission to be just another normal person who never does anything perfectly but tries very hard and always means well. How could I ever be so angry at a person like that-a person who never means to hurt anyone, least of all themselves. I made peace with myself-I've slept like a baby ever since :)
  3. bay

    bay New Member

    I have always juggled with these feelings as well. At night, as you both said, it all comes to a stop and there is no distractions for the mind. I have not yet gotten past these feelings, however I am always trying new methods, mainly self-help kinds of sources. The one I have been trying recently is forgiving myself for all the things I berate myself for. I don't always catch myself before I get engulfed by the negatives but for the times I do, it is really starting to help with the amount of thoughts I berate myself for. Sometimes, of course, the negative feelings are just too strong and I let myself go through it, no matter how long it takes, and I make a mental effort to finish my thoughts with the words "I forgive myself", even when I don't know what for, and when I really don't want to. The less I try to analyse what I forgive myself for, I find the better it is and it goes to the nowhere it came from I guess. I have found it has helped at night and I can sleep a little easier. I hope some of this helps.

    Sometimes I really don't want to see positive quotes, it can annoy me more, however I quite like this one: "It's not a bad life, it's just a bad day."
    lifetalkz likes this.
  4. bythelowtide

    bythelowtide Active Member

    Thank you so much for your reply, it was really helpful knowing that others know what I am talking about. I often feel like those around me just think ill of me. I definitely feel almost exactly every night that you did- why am I a failure, no one can love me, etc. I will try some of the techniques that you have mentioned.
  5. bythelowtide

    bythelowtide Active Member

    I appreciate you responding to me. I do like that quote a lot! Thank you for sharing. It's amazing how quickly you can become engulfed in the negative thoughts. At the time, they don't feel like negative thoughts at all, they just feel like I am reminding myself of the truth. I will work on not analyzing so much. :)
  6. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Yes, I also find nights worst. It's also when I have more free time so I try to find things to keep me busy.
  7. moxman

    moxman The "Perfect Life" YouTube channel is neat

    Hello bythelowtide, I am Mox

    Yes, the night time is the worse for me too. It is when the daily roar of the day , dies down, that leaves me to my thoughts. And I do the exact same thing you do. My humble advice is to keep your mind busy by doing a distraction like a crossword or sudoku puzzle, read a book. Maybe write in a journal everything that happened to you that day. My personal coping skill is I come on here and talk to other people about what they are going through. Seems like the noise in my head dies down , when I am here. SF is the only place that I have ever felt accepted.

    Maybe use the website www.meetup.com and try to find group activities offered in your area. They are usually free. It would be a great way to spend an evening, meeting some new people too.

    I have read other posts you have posted on SF and it really does sound like you are a very caring and empathetic individual. I am personally glad you joined us. I look forward to reading future posts from you. If you get bored, feel free to ready my personal story below in green.

    Take Care
  8. Invisible Child

    Invisible Child Antiquities Friend

    I fully understand your feelings about night time. I have been doing a lot of thinking, reflecting back on my life growing up. For the past couple weeks my nights have been hell. (That is another post). I have had several people that have told me to get a journal and just start writing about anything, it didn't even have to make sense. I have always had a journal but haven't been writing in it basically because I have been to busy with everything that I had and still have going on in my life. I have also gotten one of those adult coloring books that at times helps but it also frustrates me. I also had a really good therapist that told me to write a letter to myself about how I was feeling about myself. Then once all the hatred that I had was out, to burn it. That did help at the time even though I thought she was crazy.

    Know that you can always come here and talk, we will be here to listen.
  9. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I used to be that way and all of my anxious thoughts made me into an insomniac. It's hard to break out of. I started to force myself to get up really early so that I would be exhausted by midnight and even if my mind was whirling, I'd sleep anyway. What worked for me was rebuilding my self-esteem and confidence. I did things that I enjoyed during the day, little things to make me proud of myself. I kept myself as healthy as I could so that I had no way of being down on myself for what I chose to do that day. Keeping busy is essential too. Numbing myself by the television didn't work, I had to do something with my hands. I actually started to do some night sky watching. I had a cheap little telescope and started to learn a bit more about the galaxy. I also took up knitting and building bird houses. After a while I got so involved with my hobbies that I stopped the nighttime ritual I used to have.
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