NIGHTMARE LIFE: Who else is living one without waking up yet?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dondredalle, Jun 16, 2009.

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  1. dondredalle

    dondredalle New Member

    I've always thought that my life was bad to begin with ...

    Serious mental disorders: severe depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, asocial personality, body dysmorphic disorder, too-deep thinking (I over-scrutinize EVERYTHING), extreme pessimism/hatred towards everybody and everything, so much

    *that I push everything away from me, including my own family*

    Oh yeah, and I think I’m cursed. But it turns out that before anything could go right, something else has gone wrong and now I'm going through the biggest nightmare of my life -

    I didn't want to say anything b/c I thought it would be too painful, but I guess I'll tell you now -

    the only person in the world who I care about - my dad - one of the nicest, unhateful, purest, most hardworking people in the world - has been robbed and shot in the face by some asshole and has been in intensive care for a few days and should remain there for at least 1 week.

    You see, he should get better, but unlike my mother and brother, in this crazy mental head of mine, I'm freaking out b/c it's intensive care and I think that anything can happen and at some points I've thought of the worst, so I spend the entire day trying not to focus on the worst.

    Everyday, I pray to God (even though I'm atheist) b/c I have nothing else to help me through this. My mom is making me even more nervous - she seems to dillydally around information.
    I cry everyday or every other day - every second of the day I worry and worry and worry.

    This is the last straw: if I can't get out of this one, then I'm done. Without him - I have nobody, absolutely NOBODY in the world and I can't deal with any more drama. I would never live, not even at the tender age of 21.

    *Mere pity or a similar story of the same experience would help: is anyone else in a nightmare?, but no words on stopping my suicidal thoughts
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi Dondredelle. Welcome to SF.

    You have lots of challenges on your plate. :hug: The most recent one, your dad's being shot and in hospital, would be "nightmarish" for anyone. I hope your dad gets well soon.

    I think it's quite natural that you're worried about your dad. Keep yourself as positive as you can. If the docs have said he's going to get better, try to trust them. When we think positively, it adds extra "good" energy, which can only help your dad.

    You will find support here while you wait for your dad to recover, and also for your own mental health issues. I hope to see you around the forums. Take care and stay safe!

    :hug:
    A.
     
  3. BalladOfSolace

    BalladOfSolace New Member

    you know, I'm going to let you know first off, that I get straight to the point.
    So anything crude or painful should be taken in aconstructive way. I am not
    out to hurt you or anyone else.


    going through your personality first:

    You are in a severe depression. depression is a state, it can leave. If you give it some time and rest. This is what I've experienced. Though it
    never leaves me, it has its highs and lows. So don't make depression a life ending thing.

    Obsessive compulsive order is nothing much to be crazy about. You should really just find a way to handle with it in life. I myself am a bit of it so I don't know what it's like to actually have it in your system a lot. But work your way around it, let people know you have this issue, it's nothing much to be ashamed about towards other people.

    About the BDD, asocial personality and overthinking i'm not going to say
    anything much more different then the average friend / therapist type a
    person. It's a full package I gues those three commencing with each other. But trust me these aren't your biggest worries. BDD is something that you're going around with but no one else has in mind about you. If they blame you on it they probably are insecure about themselves or don't like you at that
    moment.

    An asocial personality is in everyone, a bit less or more wouldn't matter.
    Most people that are asocial tend to care to much about what happens
    if they say what they want to say to other people. Maybe not your case,
    but just do for once say what you'd like to (nothing to pessimistic, more easy
    going talk material) and see what happens.

    Stop over thinking to many things though, I personally find that the hardest
    most wrecking thing to do in the world. When you're depressed and your
    over thinking everything, it just seems like the whole world is going rotten,
    And you're all alone. If not alone probably something else not quite positive.

    I'd love to chat some time. seems you're having a darn hard time on your
    hands. I can't say if I'll be online. So you best PM me and see from there on.
     
  4. christian_1990

    christian_1990 Well-Known Member

    me...relaxing and not giving shit helps tho
     
  5. dondredalle

    dondredalle New Member

    Ok, thanks for all the help. It's from your perspectives so I can only respect that, but the reason why I put my problems like depression and body dysmorphic disorder in categories is b/c like you've probably assumed, my thoughts are completely irrational. So in someone else it's miminal, but in me it's magnified at least a thousand times to the point where I can't function like a normal person would (like sometimes I don't want to leave the house or even eat). In my opinion, there are people who can live normally in the real world, people who have to live in a mental hospital, and people in-between.

    The problems in my life are not just :poo: b/c I've also had to deal with the unknown death of my brother at the age of 11 - either suicide or murder - so that's only one thing that has fueled all of these psychological issues that involves thinking about death, thinking that I'm worthless, etc.

    But yeah, I do need to relax even if things be difficult. But there is good news - we live in a country with advanced medical care and my dad is responding and does still have his memory and mental capabilities. It will be a long process, but I presume things will be very okay.
     
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