Nightmares and 1

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Aquariamethystea, Apr 4, 2007.

  1. Thinking about this, realizing, over and over again, looking at my SF signature, reminding me, again and again, why do I exist? To be miserable, and now, starting to have the nightmares about Cynthia again, it is too much pain. One month ago, from today, was the day I was suppose to go visit her. Almost as if it were yesterday, I can remember what it was like for me three weeks prior to that, so anxious to go see her. Now, of course, that was so long ago, it seems, and still, nothing other than pain. All I feel right now is pain. I so desperately want to be sitting at a table in a restaurant, or for me to be standing in a store, to have someone walk up to me and shoot me, resulting in me dead within seconds. Perhaps, having the murderer being Cynthia, or my grandmother, nono, my cousin Michael. Imagining him shooting, my grandmother observing, while Cynthia distracts anyone who might notice the murder in time to call the police for arrest. I also can imagine my father, a former police officer, somehow bribing the investigators to close the case, without any arrests. I see there being alot of joy in my family due to my death, and I hope it happens, somehow, though I doubt my idea of my family killing me will occur. They just want to torture me until I end my life.
  2. Kurt. :( :hug:

    All I can say is I would definetely not be happy, infact, it'd probably top me off too.

    :hug: We all love you at SF and want you to live, you mean alot to me and I'm sure you mean alot to many others. :hug:s again.
  3. Xaelem

    Xaelem Member

    If life didn't have it's down there wouldn't be ups either.
    There is a lesson to be learned from every mistake or bad think that happen to us.
    I have no purpose to get up in the morning...except make my boss richer and me poorer and more stressed out, but that's just your inner voice speaking to you.
    I know that voice very good Kurt, without any meds I hear it speakinga ll the time.
    I get anxious and upset about the smallest of things and I get nightmares and bad dreams, but it's the inner voice that gets us down.
    With the meds I still have the dreams and stuff but not even the voice can upset me and neither am I too subdued by the drugs to care about anything...
    I'm a fully functional member of society but with the help of the meds the blance of the chemicals in my brain is the way it should be thus I am able to think more clearly about the stuff that bother me.
    I'm not saying meds is the answer cause I hate them and I believe them to be a last resort, but in the end it's all about realising and acdepting that that inner voice is all the negative things in our subconscious that's bugging us and reminding us about the things that bother us.
    It's a sick circle of bad thoughts we create for ourselves.
    The voice never goes away, the only solution is to get it to be a little bit more positive.
    Life could be better, but it could be a whole lot worse as well.
    The better we can survive without so no thinking about that but we always forget that things can be a whole lot worse.
    When things get better we still linger on what could be better, but the day things get worse we moan about how things used to be and how much better that at least was than it is now.
    Stop, look at your situation, realise how things could be worse and be grateful for what could have gone worse but haven't.
  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Been sitting here debating on whether or not to reply to this, but decided I have an opinion so yah. I think that you should take a step back and at least look at some positives, whethre you think there are any or not. What happened if you went to visit her, and she ditched you while you were there? What if you got to the airport and she never showed up, just stranded you there? I think that sometimes there are worse scenarios that could happen even though her breaking up with you wasnt pleasant. You also have to look at, you never technically met her, you never truly knew her because you never met her. I realized a lot lately Kurt, I understand you "love(d)" her, but I don't think you could have truly loved her without knowing her fully. Also you have to think of, how long were you with her for, can you possibly love some that quickly and that deeply? I'm sorry if this comes out mean, it's not meant to..I've just realized a lot lately and figured I'd share my views. As for your nightmares they will fade eventually it just takes time. Patience is a virtue and being in a relationship does not necessarily mean true happiness b.c with new love brings a new set of issues.
  5. No worries Kelly :hug:. The response you wrote to me was not mean at all. I agree with you about most of what you wrote. Though, I did really love her, and that is what hurts alot. I realize we weren't together in person and I hadn't known her online for long, though what there was between us was wonderful, and we both had told each other we were in love.
  6. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: