Well, my mom has been getting better...dare I say it, friendly! I know she can not emotionally be the person I need her to be, but I also know that deep down inside, she wishes she could and she really does care. She just doesn't know how.Either way, I woke up this morning with a terrible nightmare. I went back to sleep and had another scary dream. I am really affected by it because of course one of the nightmares has to do with my relationship. I am really worried about him this morning. The last time he messaged me was at 1 a.m. He is some time ahead and he was going to run some errands. After he accomplished the first thing he set out to do, he messaged me. Then, I didn't get no more. Maybe he knew I was sleeping and he went home to sleep himself. His sleep pattern is a little wacky from staying in sync with me and I am here in the States soooo many hours behind. Still, I worry because when I visited his country, I seen how things were. Among other things, the driving was crazy. I think he is ok though because his family has been posting stuff on FB and I think if there was something bad, they would tell me. At the same time, I worry that he gets sick of me. Many times I need reassurance and he made it clear to me yesterday that he is getting sick of my lack of self-esteem. I can imagine how I must seem to him, so then my other worry is that he is growing tired with me. I know I need to make some changes, but it is not easy to become confident and not question or second guess. I know dreams are only dreams, but the two I had this morning were really bad. I just hope they don't relate anyway to reality. I have decided to stay home today because it is freezing cold, so maybe I will feel better if I just eat something and watch some tv. A part of me really wants to call him, but I know I shouldn't bother him if he is sleeping but at the same time, I want to know if everything is cool or not. Still, I have done this many times to him and I don't want him to think bad about me.