Nightmares and sleepwalking

Hello.

Since my sisters suicide I've been having terrible nightmares. Often about her, either being alive (which may not technically be a nightmare, but I feel so shitty when I wake up and realize she's still dead), or that she's dead and I find her but she runs away, or that my mother dies, or my brother killing himself, nightmares with chainsaws, blood and gore. Sometimes it's just random shit but it drives me crazy! It's gotta to the point where I'm afraid to go to sleep, so because of that I've developed insomnia and because of me being overtired I seem to have started sleepwalking through the hours that I can actually sleep. I feel like I'm going crazy!

I went to the doctor this week to get some pills to knock me out, thinking maybe it'll all stop. The doctor seen that I had a previous overdose and start bitching at me that he didn't want to give me pills because they wouldn't help since it's a psychological problem. Which I agree with, but I've tried everything else! Counseling doesnt work at all, I've had more than one counselor but it does no good. I know pills wont fix it, but maybe it'll stop be from being so crazy just for a little while. He made a deal with me that he'd give me some pills if I gave him my other pills (ones that didnt work on me) because he didnt want me to accumulate pills, which I was planning on doing.. anyway I agreed and he made me see another counselor, which didnt help at all, it made me angrier, after seeing her I was ready to off myself but didn't have anything to do it with. Anyway, the pills he gave me dont work. I feel like I'm trapped. I dont think I can be fixed.

Sorry if this is a bit scattered.
Has anyone had similar problems?

 

My cousin commited suacide when i was 7, never really affected me up untill recently when i became depressed. I suffered from a few panic attacks in November/December was a really scary experience :|. When i closed my eyes i just saw him hanging from the bathroom ceiling (where he died) .

I been suffering from alot of Nightmares too mainly last month.. (not related to my cousins suacide... rather not share what the nightmares was about though) however i was like you i dreaded going to sleep i started suffering from Insombia too. I hung around in the chatroom for this site to pass the nights, everytime i went sleep i ended up being woke up from the nightmares in a cold sweet. Only last week i woke up screaming some ones name .

Hopefully it will pass.. Theres alot of suggestions on the internet of ways to reduce them.

Good luck and sorry about your experience I can imagine how you feel and how mentally draining it is. stay strong

 

Just throwing this out there but, have you tried any kind of support groups? Sometimes if you are able to talk things out with a group of others that have expereinced the same thing, it helps to ease your subconscience. So many times, professionals just can't understand what your are trying to express and it frustrates you more! I think you need to come to terms with your loss and grief so that you start to make the nightmares go away. Good luck and hope things get better for you soon.

 

I agree that a support group with others is good. I'm also taking a relaxation/meditation class. I found the class through the community psych nurse. It's brilliant.

I often wake in a panic, at least 7 or 8 times a night, but through the class I'm learning how to calm myself down so I can go back to sleep.

Your doc is trying to keep you alive, as annoying as you might find that right now!

C.

PS You *can* be fixed. You can and will feel better, with love, support and hard work. Keep trying to find the right combo of info, help and support that will get you through this. It's gonna be different for everyone, so keep trying...

 

D3ath - Thanks for replying, sorry that you are having nightmares too =[ and I'm so sorry about your cousin. I hope you are doing okay <3

itmahanh - Well I completely agree about the frustration with the professionals when they cant relate haha. I've talked to a lot of other suicide survivor's, and it's helped a little, but hasn't done anything for the nightmares and whatnot. I find that it just releases emotion, which is good, but apparently not what I need. Thanks for your suggestion <3

dazzle11215 - I've tried meditation/yoga very very briefly before and found that I didn't have the patience for it. I'm glad it's help you though, waking up in a panic sucks, especially when you do it 8 times a night!
I know the doctor was just doing is job carefully, and I really dont blame him. I just found him really rude for the most part. Acted like I was making it all up and told me that 11 months is a long time to grieve over this, which really made me mad. He basically said that counseling would fix everything. and I was frustrated because he couldn't seem to understand that it doesn't for everyone.
Thanks for your reply <3

 

Sorry to butt in, just wondered if you had had a bereavement counseller or general counselling?

Here is a poem you may find helpful:

American Indian man, when he is bereaved will go into the forest and choose a tree; he will then hit the tree several times with an axe, making a deep wound in the tree. This tree then becomes the man’s special place. He identifies the wound in the tree with his own grief. The tree becomes a focus for his grief and whenever he feels the need he will return to the tree simply to be quiet, or to weep, or to remember his loved one who has died. Each time he visits he is confronted by the wound in himself. As time goes by he sees the wound in the tree begin to heal, the sap dries up, and the tree continues to grow, its leaves bud in the spring and die off in the autumn. Despite the wound which has marked the tree for ever, it continues to grow, life goes on. Slowly the Indian begins to heal, certainly the mark remains and he will never be the same again, but his life goes on, the seasons come and go and he continues to grow.

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