I can't even begin to empathise with those feelings Petal so I won't insult your intelligence by claiming I know how you feel. For me, it's the worst crime imaginable and should carry a bigger sentence than any others. I feel so helpless as there's honestly nothing I can offer as comfort that you won't have had already, other than you have at least given me a wake up call as to how woeful my problems are and that I can do better than I am doing. I spoke at length with my psychotherapist about faith, meaning of life, and such things, and we both agreed (surprisingly) that perhaps some people are meant to suffer in order to learn things that others simply cannot fathom, if only to help those they come into contact with in later life. It's not a particularly nice or easy purpose to have, if indeed they do exist, but if my relatively small amount of suffering can help others to find a better life then that's fine by me. I know it doesn't offer any solace or relief, but it has helped me to lay some of the past to rest and find a small amount of pride in what I can do now. Don't ever, not even for a nano second, lose sight of what it is you have to offer this world and what you have achieved despite the horrors you have faced. I truly hope karma exists, because damn it's your turn for some good, and I wish nothing more than for it to come your way as soon as possible!
I do know how cruel life can be and exactly what it's like to be a loner, but thanks to you and the rest of the SF family I'm beginning to see it from a new perspective.
If you don't mind me asking, and do please tell me to sling my hook, what corner of the world are you from? I've never actually found out. Sorry if that's too personal. X