Never been 'great' at sleeping. Been worse the past year or two from bad dreams and nightmares. They turn me into a zombie the day after the night they arrive, I can't shed the images and feelings at all until I sleep again. Doctor, counselors, friends (even drugs nowadays) don't seem able to help. There aren't any solid recurring details I can put my finger on, but there are some themes. Often sexual and physical abuse, by myself and others, sometimes to myself. Always disgust and fear, normally pain and suffering by myself and others. More often than not it's me causing the worst, horrific trauma, often willingly in the 'dream'. Upon waking I am distraught and often cry and/or self harm (which rarely helps much, of course), then throughout the day am unable to rid myself of the 'afterglow'. The only experience I can compare it to is the intensity of hallucinogenic drugs with the deep inmpact they have upon the perception of reality. The 'dreams' are becoming ever more real than reality with my feeling increasingly distant from the waking world. It's hard to convince myself that they are 'dreams', for now I'm not losing, I fear for the future. |- freedom