i find night times the hardest, my insomnia kicks in and my mind just whirls with my life. tonight i am home alone i am till Saturday, my parents away on holiday. its 1.30 and i turned the tv over to self harming program. i don't know what happened but 3 minutes into it my body just over whelmed with a wash of a unknown feeling and tears filled my eyes. i found my self wandering into the kitchen, my mind blank and next thing i know i sub consciously had reached for the pills, home alone with pills and alcohol. i stopped myself, slamming my head against the cabinet door as i shut it asking myself what the fuck i was doing. then i did something i wish i hadn't i found a razor, small cuts and i knew what i was doing unlike the pills, it did take me time to find one after all. i feel better but the tv program is still playing. the cuts don't hurt but i can taste the blood still where i had to get it off my skin as it dripped, and the nasty red lines are there. i want to go doctors, i want to get help, i don't want scars but i don't know what the problem is, i have good parents, good friends, good life, some parts of my past are bumpy but i think i have overcome them. My life is a hazy blur. how can i get help when i dont know what the problems are??