Nine months and counting....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LonelyTraveler, May 16, 2007.

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  1. LonelyTraveler

    LonelyTraveler Well-Known Member

    February 21, 2008. Sounds like a decent day. I have until then to prepare for my departure. Like many other things I will be doing this alone. No need to involve others. They would put up the facade of caring, yet we all know the truth. Some people aren't meant to live and be happy. The best we can do is to leave the world a little better than we found it.
     
  2. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    What has happened and why that date?Why are you feeling like this?is it something in particular and have you alway's felt this way?Please share I do understand.
     
  3. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    The fact that you have put your date so far in the future shows me you still have hope. Instead of using that time to prepare for death, please use it to LIVE your life the way you have always wanted to. If you have nothing to lose, then do everything you have always wanted to do...spend money, travel, go out and have a good time, whatever you feel like doing. Maybe this will give you a reason to go on, and if not, then you have at the very least done the things you always wanted to do. Take care.
     
  4. Jackson

    Jackson Guest

    How do you believe some people are meant to die and suffer? Because of a higher power, or possibly survival of the fittest? True: some people care, some people don't. If you want to leave the world a better place, I would say that you belong in the first category. Could the pursuit of this give you some reason to go on? It's probably a lost cause in the end, but it can improve the quality of life while we're waiting.
     
  5. LonelyTraveler

    LonelyTraveler Well-Known Member

    The date is nothing special. Just popped into my head. I could actually die on any day after January 2, 2008. That's when the suicide exclusion clause runs out on my life insurance policy. I'm just allowing myself time to possibly get frozen to death in the winter before spring comes and I have to do it myself. I'll also have time to do the taxes for the family so they'll be set for the year. I do have tasks to do before I go. I certainly did not choose that date because of hope. Hope died long ago.

    Why did I choose to die? Well, long ago I had a heart. It was a good heart; a big, loving, and caring heart. It did not choose to be housed in this body. It was not its fault, but it loved and it cared about people. There were times when this heart reached out through the bars of its cage to touch another heart. It uttered words of love and kindness. The world, however, was not ready for it. For those in the world did not see the heart that was calling and reaching out. They only saw the cage, the body that could not be loved. Others in the world threatened the mind and the body because of the actions of the heart. So the mind smothered the heart in cold blood. Things went downhill from there. The mind, having just killed the only thing that would talk to it, began to deteriorate from the lack of conversation. It was filled with knowledge. But again, those in the world were not ready for it. They only saw the cage, the body that could not be esteemed. So the mind, determined not to wait until the body decides to die, has set in motion plans to grant the world its wish. The body doesn't care; it does not know; it is just a cage. The mind, however, has decided to be responsible about its demise. My family will be provided for. No messy cleanup or expensive funerals. No one will even notice that I'm gone.

    Do I blame others for my choice? No, this was not an emotional decision. The world is what it is. My job is nearly over. Why stick around and further wear out my non-existent welcome?

    There are things that I'm doing this year. Kindofa checklist of stuff I wanted to do before the end. Most of it will be finished this summer or fall. Then comes the part I've been waiting for. The beginning of the end.
     
  6. Bostonensis

    Bostonensis Guest

    I am gearing to the same plan.Finish all what I need to do for my family & I have to go. This is a conscious decision I made. My son is the only reason I am sticking around but I know in my heart that he will understand at the end that it is good for him not to witness my suffering. Everyday I have to pretend to him that I am okay while the meds I take everyday makes me sick to no end & no way I will survive for another 5 yrs to continue the motion of existence.The emotional pain outweights the physical pain & it is my conscious choice to end it in my own terms.And to add more pain & chaos I have to make a decision to surgery for the aneurysm. 50-50 I might end up a vegetable. No way in hell I will take that chance.I believed that for us to succeed we need the support from our family & community & not stigmatized suicide as a lunacy by product of the brain. There are good things that comes with suicide ,the freedom not to be succumbed to a life that dictates you with pain ,suffering, or even nothing. For me this is a basic right. The community should stop being selfish & support each others decision & honor them with respect & compassion even it does not parallel with theirs.
     
  7. OnceWasThere

    OnceWasThere Guest

    The part where you said, "No one will even notice when I'm gone."

    That's simply not true. You're been "gone" off a certain site since July 24th and I noticed that you were not there. And I started to worry. I started praying, that you were still alive.

    And somehow I found you here. And it makes me happy that you're still around. My heart was truly breaking, thinking that you might be gone, without even a goodbye.

    I love you LonelyTraveler, from the bottom of my heart. You are the friend I've always saught, the one that really understands me and what I've gone through. The one I can relate to. The talk we had a few weeks ago, still sticks out in my mind. I've never met someone who can relate to me so much.

    I miss you already. I wish we could talk... please don't leave me without saying goodbye LT... please.
     
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