Maybe I'm just letting it out because I keep it in. I'm hopeless and don't expect my life to ever change. No matter what I do nothing every changes and nobody can help me. Not that many people even care to help me. Everyone I've ever met, except my boyfriend and my best friend (that's only 2 people my entire life), have only cared about preserving themselves.
Everybody has always overlooked, kept their heads in the sand and brushed under the rug all the bad things that happen to me. Even my family, but I'm not surprised because they are part of the problem too. My parents ruined my life by moving me to this nightmare hellhole of a county, taking my opportunities away and leaving me to rot surrounded by hate and misery all for their own selfish needs.
Everything I've worked for has be taken away and stolen from me. It doesn't matter how hard I work, how smart I am, how kind, nice or what I achieve. Any potential I have is wasted because it is nasty, hateful, spiteful, vicious creatures disguised as people who stop me from getting what I have earned.
Everyday I'm surrounded by people who have what I've worked for. It's rubbed in my face and never leaves my mind the fact that these lazy bitches used me to get to where they are and left me behind as a failure in the dirt. Struggling everyday in nothing but misery. That's all my life is now. I don't feel anything. I can't eat or cry. I don't have anything left in me. The only thing stopping me from getting peace is the worry of the pain and disability I will be in after a failed attempt. I was never meant to be happy. It's all a lie. I exist to only be miserable and tortured by the fact that I could end it but I'm too scared of the pain and what I have to live with when it fails. Because that's all I am. A worthless failure who only exists to be used to make others happy. My misery is what makes these people happy.
Everybody has always overlooked, kept their heads in the sand and brushed under the rug all the bad things that happen to me. Even my family, but I'm not surprised because they are part of the problem too. My parents ruined my life by moving me to this nightmare hellhole of a county, taking my opportunities away and leaving me to rot surrounded by hate and misery all for their own selfish needs.
Everything I've worked for has be taken away and stolen from me. It doesn't matter how hard I work, how smart I am, how kind, nice or what I achieve. Any potential I have is wasted because it is nasty, hateful, spiteful, vicious creatures disguised as people who stop me from getting what I have earned.
Everyday I'm surrounded by people who have what I've worked for. It's rubbed in my face and never leaves my mind the fact that these lazy bitches used me to get to where they are and left me behind as a failure in the dirt. Struggling everyday in nothing but misery. That's all my life is now. I don't feel anything. I can't eat or cry. I don't have anything left in me. The only thing stopping me from getting peace is the worry of the pain and disability I will be in after a failed attempt. I was never meant to be happy. It's all a lie. I exist to only be miserable and tortured by the fact that I could end it but I'm too scared of the pain and what I have to live with when it fails. Because that's all I am. A worthless failure who only exists to be used to make others happy. My misery is what makes these people happy.