hi! the last days i worked on a maths exercise. got a way to solve it from the web. didnt understand it. then i thought the solution is not right and was trying to find the right one. at the end i found out that the solution is right. now im sad that i havent found an alternative solution. i was learning, then i thought everything what ive been taught is wrong, now im on the way finding out that it is right. but why going on when everything is right and there are no alternatives? or all alternatives have already been described? not long ago i thought i will have to make a whole new world description. but when i see the solution of this maths exercise and see that its the only solution i realise that theres no basis for work anymore. so why live on? for those who love me? those who i loved left me. and now i dont love anymore. so i shall be again the social person who stays because i am loved? no. and as im sure that theres no love in my heart anymore that could make me be ready for passion or being happy longer than five minutes i i realise that theres no basis for living anymore. but killing oneself is not allowed. my finger was first typing now instead of not. but fuck it anyway. no alternatives no work no love no life.