no apparent reason

[consciousinsane]

I feel like shooting myself. But I have no gun. I feel like stabbing myself, but I'm chicken sh*t when it comes to pain. I feel like slicing cuts in my arm, but my family would ridicule me. When I get depressed, all these thoughts go thru my head. I don't know how else to get out of wanting to do this. I've cut in the past, and at the rate these thoughts are escalating, it won't be long before I do it again. The strange thing is, I feel like I want to stay this way. Like I want to be depressed, I want to and enjoy and look forward to cutting. Is this strange? I don't think I can hold out till my next therapy session.

I don't even have a reason to be so depressed. I live a normal life. I have a stable job (though I absolutely HATE it). I even have 3 wonderful kids that are for the most part well behaved. I have no big problems in my life what so ever, yet I'm so down in this hole and don't know why I'm here, nor why I feel as though I want to stay here. Sorry if I'm rambling. I just don't understand.

 

[Sadeyes]

Hi and so sorry you are going through a rough spot...been there, and it sure does sink...just wanted to send my support and let you know that you are not alone here...many ppl can relate to how you are feeling...please PM me if i can be there for you...big hugs, Jackie

 

[allofme]

hi there CI

i so understand how you feel and what you are saying.. i will not jump your thread by explaining my situation.. but i want you to know that you are not alone in how you feel.. actually it is somewhat common with depression..

the other thing i would like to offer you is that not all depressions are situational/environmental.. meaning that you dont have to have a crappy life to feel crappy..

have you spoken to someone.. a therapist.. even a family doctor can be of some help... please hang in there and keep posting..

 

[consciousinsane]

thanks guys. I went to my theapist Friday evening. He helped me out some and I made it thru the weekend ok.