I feel like shooting myself. But I have no gun. I feel like stabbing myself, but I'm chicken sh*t when it comes to pain. I feel like slicing cuts in my arm, but my family would ridicule me. When I get depressed, all these thoughts go thru my head. I don't know how else to get out of wanting to do this. I've cut in the past, and at the rate these thoughts are escalating, it won't be long before I do it again. The strange thing is, I feel like I want to stay this way. Like I want to be depressed, I want to and enjoy and look forward to cutting. Is this strange? I don't think I can hold out till my next therapy session. I don't even have a reason to be so depressed. I live a normal life. I have a stable job (though I absolutely HATE it). I even have 3 wonderful kids that are for the most part well behaved. I have no big problems in my life what so ever, yet I'm so down in this hole and don't know why I'm here, nor why I feel as though I want to stay here. Sorry if I'm rambling. I just don't understand.