so this is it huh. the end. i would have expected bells and whistles or at least some kind of turmoil, ah well here is fireworks. i can handle life im just not fit enough to survive. i've cut the ties with my friends, i took out all my money from the bank and laid it somewhere where people can reach it in the event of my demise without having to pay taxes. i wish i could say it was a delight, ah well it definately had its moments. but there are so many things i wish i had done better or had or hadnt done at all. i've been disappointed, undergone defeat, felt the great heart within me crushed until it bled. its true that no one is ever defeated until defeat has been accepted as a reality. well im throwing in the towel. no mas.