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no better

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I don't feel there is a me anymore There's nothing guiding my decisions. The me I used to be at least had a center and kind of a goal. Even if it was a bad goal. No I have nothing. Just zombied. Problem is I don't really care. that's part of the zombification. The panic/anxiety is down, but maybe too much. I'm relying on the people I'm with to "protect" me. Not only is that dumb, it could be catastrophic. I don't know who I am. Sounds so cliche and stupid. I'm sure I'm not this person. I need Sam. But he's gone. I need someone who cares about me and who I believe cares about me. It's all so meaningless to me. I can't explain. I can't. All that come to mind are cliches.


Staff Alumni
I can relate to a lot of what you wrote here.. im just sorry that i didn't see this post sooner. How are you doing now?

Your 'zombification' etc sounds like the symptoms of depression. The loss of interest in things, etc. Are you seeing anyone for depression or on any medication? I wonder if that would help..

Please check in again if you want.. I'm thinking of you
jenny x


The biggest loser ever to live.
Yes, thats exactly what depression does, sort of turn you into a zombie, its happening to me right now, all I can think about right now sometimes is just living, not having any goals, dreams, nothing, just existing.
the way you are feeling now--that's how i was diagnosed with depression several years ago. i was outgoing, a good student, and very involved in school activities. one day, everything seemed to lose its meaning and i didn't care about a thing. i didn't care if i ever got out of bed again.

depression is such a vicious cycle: you have to fight to make it better, but at the same time, you don't care enough to fight. having been "fighting" for the last 7 years, i know that it is worth it, even though it may not seem like it a lot of the time. seeking help may not solve everything, but it is certainly a great step to feeling better and can help remind you of a life worthwhile.

i haven't been a member of this forum very long, but i truly believe that everyone here cares very much about each other. i know when you are depressed, it feels like no one cares at all, but please know that there are people (me included!) who care very much! hang in there and let me know if there's anything i can do to help!
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