No choice but to 'come out' - Stuck in the past

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by SAFFYRE, Feb 17, 2008.


    SAFFYRE New Member


    I'm 41, and four months ago my 15-year marriage ended. To cut a long story short I was
    caught by my wife looking at gay porn online, and 'Outed' to my family by her shortly

    My family were fine about it, and my ex-wife and I are still close friends now the dust has
    settled. The thing is, I'm not really 'out' to myself. I married her for love although she
    will never believe that - Having a lot of time to think now, It all adds up that I have been
    in denial all my life.

    I now realise that I was in love with a male friend when I was 17.. There were 'moments in
    time' between us where I should have blurted out how I felt - he was giving off signals too.
    But I didn't have the confidence to because It seemed too 'forbidden' back then. Well, not
    so much forbidden as not knowing others our age who were openly gay for support. No Internet either!

    I find myself thinking about him 24/7 as though he's still 17 now, and mulling over what
    could have been seems to have sexually fixated me. I don't find men my age attractive as a
    result, which makes me feel like a stereotypical 40-something 'creep'.

    I'm just posting here because I'm surrounded by people I love wishing me well in my 'new
    life', but feel more confused and isolated than ever.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 17, 2008
  2. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Ive come to believe attractiveness is a lot more involved than age. I find myself attracted, mentally, to someone older, much older in fact, but its just a bit of fun is all it is. Your not a creep, how you feel applies to 90% of the population, gay or straight. Embrace your new sexuality and try to make friends with guys a bit older than 17 lol....I think youll find that you can find someone older attractive in time....Have you tried contacting the old friend? or looking him up online?
  3. bunny

    bunny Staff Alumni

    have you ever considered trying to contact the man? you might not fall in love with him again, but seeing your old friend, just for a chat, could help you resolve some of the issues of the past and in turn help you move on in the future
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    Don't look back. we humans all make mistakes. this too, happened for a greater reason. what did you learn from it?
  5. Fatman1966

    Fatman1966 Antiquitie's Friend

    Try not to worry too much, I too am 41 and have suffered almost exactly the same fate as you, only I never got married or had kids, but other than that our stories are just the same

    Hang on in there, things wont always be this way
  6. Fishman

    Fishman Guest

    Theres no need to be ashamed of being a gay male, maybe get better aquainted with your self.