no choice.

i have no choice. there is no choice, i cannot do this anymore-
my life= ends up into suicide a complete fucking waste but that's how it's going to be without knowing it i've been doing everything to prepare myself.
the point of this, is it calms me down, reading what i'm going to do,
pointless
pointless every single fight was pointless.

beacuse it all boils down to what's going on inside- it's killing me every day

a few days away from this place and i'm back
it's a testimony or something to what i'm preparing without even knowing it.
nothing will change

 

i know it hard god i have been that way for days now please reach out here and to crisis they help me hold on keep me sane crisis line was so kind to me thank god i called please reach out okay just do it you will feel better take care.

 

you're sweet but:

i've reached out many times and have got abused, and fucked around with.
and hang on for what. for the next crisis, and the next one and the next one?

there are no answers, it's done, i'm finished, i just have to plan it carefully and get it through, a failed attempt is not something i'm aiming for.

 

No, it's hope. You're back because you know you have friends here that care. And hope that SOMEONE, ANYBODY might hve a suggestion or say something that will help you see things differentlhy.

I know how you feel. There myself. But see me too, back. I need my friends from here. People in RL just dont get it. Dont want to get it. But here, well, I feel safe. And I hope you get that feeling too.

Keep posting hun. Dont give up. We wont let you down or turn our backs. :arms:

 

thank you carla :hug:

 

It is not too late and you always have a choice. To progress you have to admit that you cannot do it alone, and to allow outside influences to help. You have to be honest with all of those invovled and it is a very vulnerable, humbling experience, but it leads to growth, understanding, and help. The choice as always is truly yours. Blessings..

 

i'm sure you mean well, but you dont' know me, or my journey or where i am right now. i've grown amazingly- so much you have no idea! and it was through cutting a hell of a lot of people off from my life, believe it or not. and being very careful who i let into my life.

when i posted this i was agitated because of flashbacks and pain.
when you're at that stage it's either die or sedate yourself somehow- if you can do that. i thankfully, could do that, that night.
choices are limited when you're at the edge.
ever seen people in flashbacks?


that is why i posted 'no choice,' because i'm not one who thinks about medicating myself every single time i'm in pain, to eventually numb everything to the point of complete blindness/apathy.

people here can be so close to death, it isn't an idea, and it isn't about choosing a path, but about struggling with wounds that are so deep they can kill while having very little adequate treatment around, and i know this through experience. hard experience.