No Clue

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Ben Phillips, Sep 3, 2016.

  1. Ben Phillips

    Ben Phillips New Member

    I'm 16 years old, have a lack of friends and go to sleep every night hoping I don't wake up in the morning and when I do, I stare at my door hoping <mod edit - method >

    I cannot think of a reason to be alive and, to be honest, I am not expecting this to help. I just need something to give me hope.

    At school I am abused by anyone who talks to me and have never had anyone back me up in a situation.
    I get anxiety every day that I have to go into school and my grades are below what they are meant to be, as I am in a high achieving school in external exams and have never done well in any exam environment. I am constantly told that if I fail any exams that I will have "fucked up my life".

    I have considered killing myself about a dozen times over the last 2 years and the only reason I haven't is because I am too afraid that I will miss out on the good times right after my death.

    I'm not very good at writing and this will probably look like shit. Thanks to anyone that replies in advance.

    -Ben
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 3, 2016
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome to the forum. Can you talk to someone at school about the abuse such as a school counsellor or teacher? Are you parents supportive?
     
  3. Ben Phillips

    Ben Phillips New Member

    My school is academically driven, I tried to talk to a teacher about some abuse I was getting from another teacher and he was only focused on whether I was doing well in that class.
    As for my parents, they are looking for a perfect grade A child, and I am afraid they will ship me back to boarding school or laugh in my face if I bring this up.

    PS: Sorry for the method (in OP), wasn't thinking about what I was typing.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi @Ben Phillips and welcome to SF. Is there anyone at your school you could talk to? What about siblings or your parents? I am sure they would only be glad to be of help with your struggles. Sorry school is not going well for you. Please keep posting here and feel free to tell us more and we will try and help. I wish you the best of luck :)
     
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Hey its overwhelming with expecations and passing those exams. Wonder if you just started a new grade now that schools are back in session? If so look up your school counselor and see if you can book an appointment with them and see what they say about your situation. Nothing you say will surprise them as they've seen it all