Hello everyone I'm 24, married and live in Europe. Female by the way, not that it really matters I think... At the age of 12 I started to have these feelings, these thoughts that won't go away... This need to die, to disappear, to dissolve into nothingness. I started to hate myself more than anything else in this world. Maybe there is no cure for my condition. Pills don't work. Nothing works. I spend my days lying on the couch, drinking alcohol, smoking weed, taking some pills, hitting myself and starving myself. It's hard when you fantasize about Death all the time. I just want to shut my brain off.