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No compelling reason to stay.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by C-Man, Jun 23, 2010.

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  1. C-Man

    C-Man New Member

    I'll spare the melancholy laments, as I haven't the ability to express them in words.

    I live with my mother to help her out, and had to resign from my job a couple of months ago. It was that, or most likely be terminated. The reasons for that are not germane to this post, suffice it to say a termination wouldn't have been justified. This in and of itself should not be cause for concern.

    However, in the past two months, I have contacted places looking for work as a technician, mechanic, A/C specialist, counter grunt, even a stock boy at a grocery store. Apparently, I'm damaged goods and no one will touch me. Whether there is a secret black list that only business owners are privy to is a question that has crossed my mind many times.

    Needless to say, this is demoralizing in the extreme, and a scary situation. I'm not a man easily given to depression or suicidal thoughts; however, over the last several years of menial jobs and trying and failing to make something of myself, I feel that I have lost something vital, that other people have. What that is, I cannot put a name to it.

    At this point, I have lost the will to achieve and simply want two things : 1)To provide for my mother's well-being, which I can't do if I'm out of work. She does, however, have a life insurance policy on me if something should happen to me. Not a huge amount, but enough to live on for a good long time.
    2)To put a stop to my own unrelenting pain.

    I am well aware of the fact that if I do go through with it I will most likely end up in Hell. Strangely, this is a remarkably easy fact to accept, since I'm technically worth more dead than I am alive.
  2. mike308

    mike308 Well-Known Member

    Don't be be so hard on yourself.. The economy JUST SUCKS.. NO one can find work.
    Don't kill yourself for money to help your mother. that's not what she would want.
    Just hang on and keep looking, Some thing will turn up.
  3. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    I am sure in your Mother's eyes no amount of money could ever replace you, times are hard. Be gentle on yourself.

    Also FYI: Most life insurance policies are deemed null and void if the person commits suicide so she would not get anything, but that is hear say, I am just doing what I can to convince you not to do it.

    Would it be possible to maybe retrain to work, find some charities that can help you get into the workplace?
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    your love is all a mother wants and needs there are so manywithout work to no fault of their own i hope you can reach out to your community services to get help finding work or financial support take care you mother wants you not money
  5. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Nowhere is really hiring nowadays, unless you have something spectacular you can show them.

    It sucks, but it's the reality of today.
  6. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    For the OP, I can't count on another post from you since there haven't been any in three days, but I feel the same way.

    Very few things would make me appreciate my shithole of a life. They say "God" doesn't make mistakes. Well for you Christians...Why did he give me the disease he gave me? Why does he let those with ALS or Rett's Syndrome suffer or even contract those diseases? Answer that. I've got my own answer but won't share it with you because it'd sound insane.

    But these are just messages that life ain't for everyone. Nothing makes me believe that continuing to live would be for me. I won't find it. I gaurantee it.
  7. Michael Ayin

    Michael Ayin Well-Known Member

    I've wondered that, too---I've had a couple of job offers but nothing that could even sustain myself, much less someone else. It's like I'm being held down/held back on purpose, even with my credentials.
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hopefully the G8 and G20 summits will help create jobs for people who are unemployed. The world economy is in really bad shape right now. Only Canada is doing ok right now in comparison.
  9. C-Man

    C-Man New Member

    I'm still alive.
    I've decided to do it only as a last resort. I can live with own pain. It's been my companion for so many years it's like a shitty color of paint on the wall by now. The only thing I can't live with is being incapable of providing for those I love. If I can't do that, then I am essentially worthless. Something's got to happen, one way or another. If no one will hire me, I'll just have to pass out in the tub one night...
  10. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Cman. I'm glad that you've decided to stick around, at least for a little while longer. Keep looking for a job, no matter how difficult it gets. The economy is really bad right now and finding a job is tough. If you're lucky enough to have a job, work it as best as you can. If not, keep looking for a job and take what you can get. :hug:
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