No Crisis Really...

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by NoReason4This808, Oct 7, 2007.

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  1. There is nothing wrong with me that would make anyone think I should even be considering suicide. But I do. Almost everyday. I have a loving family, an amazing fiancee, a great job, I'm doing well in college...but I'm an extremely emotionally weak person I think and even the tiniest things can send me into a downward spirial. I worry constantly, about anything and everything. I can't help it. I get all kinds of crazy ideas in my head and they grow into things that make life unbareable. I'm constantly worrying about things I know will never happen, but my body acts as if they already are.
    I have a history with suicide and depression and cutting, from when I was a teenager. I thought I'd gotten past it but apparently not.

    I just want all this pain and paranoia to stop. I'm a twenty year old woman acting like some whiny emo brat, but I can't help it. I'm always scared, I'm always worried and I don't know why. I don't know why I can't handle lifes bullshit like a fucking sane person or deal with it the way I should.
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    First of all, :welcome: to the forum. You said there is nothing wrong with you that would make people think you have the thoughts and feelings you do. Depression doesn't care who it strikes. It doesn't matter if you live in a perfect world or one with constant struggles. Many people do not understand this. It does not differentiate between anything.What really makes it difficult is when we can't find a reason ourselves. It makes you feel as if you are somehow broken and beyond repair. Do you have someone you can speak with about your feelings? Having someone you trust that you can tell absolutely anything and not feel judged is sometimes helpful. It can be a teacher, clergy person, friend, therapist, relative, just about anyone that you can feel safe with. I am glad you found the forum. You will find it a good place to release some of those feelings. It is a safe place to be. take care. :hug:
     
  3. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

    i dont know if you need anything to be wrong in your life to feel that way. i dont technically, one or two things bother me but ive got a pretty good life and it is always improving but here i am... you cant rationalize emotions and especially not depression. i dont think you are a weak person, you have made it this far, gotten through your teen years, that is a step. we all have the tools to deal w/ life, we must just learn to use them.

    i dont particularly like them but have you gone to see a doc about how you feel?

    btw, :welcome: to SF, i hope you will find the support you are looking for here
     
  4. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum
     
  5. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    :welcome::arms:
     
  6. xashleyTX

    xashleyTX Guest

    Welcome
     
  7. THANK YOU!!! Your kind welcome is greatly appreciated. To be honest, I was afraid I would get a bunch of emails from people telling me to suck it up and stop being weak. I know there are people on here with true pain in their lives and true reasons to feel like waiting to die.

    Let me give a brief history about myself...When I was fourteen, I was put on Paxil. I experienced a downward spirial worse than I it had ever been before and was hospitalized twice for suicide attempts. That was 5 years ago, I've been on Zoloft ever since. These feelings only started to come back last year, after I had to undergo surgery for a tumor on my pancreas. I've lived in Japan for three year on a naval base (my father is in the navy) and had to fly to the states for surgery. I missed my entire senior year due to complications from the surgery, was in the hospital on a feeding tube for 8 months surrounded by doctors who had no idea why my body was basically shutting down. Thankfully, I luived to tell about it, but it had it's effects.
    While in the hospital and during that stressful time, I started taking over the counter sleep aids of all sorts every night and sometimes during the day. Now, I'm not sure if I can sleep without them. Also, since that time I've developed anxiety issues which result in mini panic attacks at any given time. The tiniest wthing can set mne off. Sometimes, it's nothing. I just starting thinking about things in my life that could go wrong, and start convincing myself I will. Or I could have an argument with my fiancee, and I'll think he's going to break up with me (this man has proven his devotion for me in ways that should givce me no doubts, including changing his career just to be with me). I could go on for hours about all the bizzare things that worry me. Most times, things are okay...like right now...but when I start worrying, I feel like my life is coming apart.
     
  8. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF hun,
    You aren't alone here, i'm sure there are many people in similar situations :hug:
    if you ever need anything or have any questions feel free to PM me or anything!
     
  9. I contacted a Dr., but he never got back to me. It was hard enough finding the nerve to explain my situation the first time. I don't think I can handle calling him back with a "Yeah, so about me being crazy...!" call. I talk to my fiancee about everything, and I try to talk to him about this...but I don't think he sees it as very serious. I may play it down to avoid worrying him, but I honestly don't think he can understand. To him, I just worry a lot and am overly emotional. This is going to sound lame, but...I don't want him to be ashamed of me. He's an incredibly strong person, he amazes me everyday. I really respect and admire him...I want to be someone he can feel the same way about, not some emtionally weak women he has to deal with everytime something goes wrong. I want to get better because I don't think I can be the wife deserves the way I am now. My parents are wonderful too, but I'm leaving soon and it's hard enough on them as it is...they'd worry themselves into a coma if they though I was leaving a complete emotional wreck.

    My biggest fear is the way I act while I'm having a panic attack or very upset about something. I get impulsive and think about doing things I know I'd end up regretting...usually things that would risk my life. I think I'm just an emotionally weak person incapable of properly dealing with pain.

    I've never tried just stalking to other people before. I hope it does something for me. :smile:
     
  10. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    hello and welcome to SF I look forward to seeing u around the site :
     
  11. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    :welcome:
     
  12. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    :welcome: hun if you want to talk to someone I'm aways here to help and a great ear person.
     
  13. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum :hug:
     
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