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#1
what to do laa ^^
nobody know what to do these days...
i wish i went to my mums wedding but i cant go and now she dissown me again....

i am ok about it...
i like to know where i stand haha.

laughing is good isnt it... but why when i am smiling all i think is how can i uyse what i see infront of me to killl myself laa...
it is a strange feeling that this is here with me this instant image of things....
before i wouyld just hope that people hate me....
since i felt people leave me....
all i want to do is make people hate me at least then i will be happy....


i dont like life anymorew....
i have had a plan since i started highschool to die...
i tried so many times so many different ways...
in the only private highschool i ever went to my first year of high i try in the classrooom... everyone watch that... so i was sent to live with my father in Sydney.

But since then i cant trust people....
i thought i did trust people but they always leave me...

so i started making other people hate me.
I hate myself so why shouldent everyone else hate me too isnt it better that way?
I have been making once close people further and further away from me...
so that when i die no one give a fuck.
Its better i dont want anyone to cry for me id rather hear them gossip about me...
I would rather hear them laugh at me....
laughing is good isnt it

^^
I like swimming but even that doesnt make me happy anymore...
there is no way to fix what i have done to the people who were close to me...
i was never close to my family... I barely know my brother...
haha its so funny////
and then i want to completely cut ties with everyone in this world and just die
the best thing i can do is end it all and leave forever....
what is done is done nothing can change it...
but i can make everyone who hates me happy... by making sure they never have to see me again... I will kill myself in a way that noone will ever know that its me...

any advice on places to die in secret in australia...
i have a few in mind but if i told you guys it wouldent be a secret i want to die now but i cant.... there will be remainds here of a trace to know it was me...






fuckin forenzics lol

-sora yori
 

birdy

Well-Known Member
#2
...
...
WOW!!!
...
...

well yeah laughing does suck, we only laugh, because facing the truth is too damn hard.
well as this is your first post i suppose, that you came here for help, or just cause people here can understand you. i know this sounds friggin cheesy, but there always is a hope, or at least something beautiful worth living for.
why do you feel this way? what has happend to you to turn you into the person you are?

what else should i say?!?
oh yeah you can PM me if you feel like it...(actually id enjoy it, cause helping people is the only thing keeping me alive :D)

:hug:
 
#3
Thanks Birdy,

I guess alot of things have happened...
I was too young to remember who took my virginity...
I have always felt dirty....
I came here because i think people can understand...
I hope that prehaps someone has had simular experiance...
I agree with you helping others is the only thing keeping me alive...
If there was noone to help my hand would become useless...
when I get to the stage of really wanting to take that trip i have always wanted and ending it all, leaving forever... I think.. "then what is my hand for"
The basic use of the hand is to wave...
Wave at whom? A friend, A stranger whoever...
A hand can also be used to help somene when they drop things...
But I guess these days I think... other people can do these simple things...
I have done some horrible things in the last few years and because of that its killing me inside...
Whats done is done it feels bad,
But I know what I should do ... end it all and leave forever :)
Then the people who do not wish to see me ever again do not ahve to...
the people who are close to me now... it's scarry... but I want to make them hate me...
I want to make them want to cut ties with me so i can go on my way quickly...
Last night the voices were so noisy in my head...
I wanted to jump under a train or walk to the bridge and jump... but these are all public displays..
I do not wish to do it so publicly, where children or anyone for that matter can see it...

:)
the happiest ending is a happy ending right?

take care,

Sora
 
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