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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by devil_sora, Mar 15, 2007.

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  1. devil_sora

    devil_sora Member

    what to do laa ^^
    nobody know what to do these days...
    i wish i went to my mums wedding but i cant go and now she dissown me again....

    i am ok about it...
    i like to know where i stand haha.

    laughing is good isnt it... but why when i am smiling all i think is how can i uyse what i see infront of me to killl myself laa...
    it is a strange feeling that this is here with me this instant image of things....
    before i wouyld just hope that people hate me....
    since i felt people leave me....
    all i want to do is make people hate me at least then i will be happy....


    i dont like life anymorew....
    i have had a plan since i started highschool to die...
    i tried so many times so many different ways...
    in the only private highschool i ever went to my first year of high i try in the classrooom... everyone watch that... so i was sent to live with my father in Sydney.

    But since then i cant trust people....
    i thought i did trust people but they always leave me...

    so i started making other people hate me.
    I hate myself so why shouldent everyone else hate me too isnt it better that way?
    I have been making once close people further and further away from me...
    so that when i die no one give a fuck.
    Its better i dont want anyone to cry for me id rather hear them gossip about me...
    I would rather hear them laugh at me....
    laughing is good isnt it

    ^^
    I like swimming but even that doesnt make me happy anymore...
    there is no way to fix what i have done to the people who were close to me...
    i was never close to my family... I barely know my brother...
    haha its so funny////
    and then i want to completely cut ties with everyone in this world and just die
    the best thing i can do is end it all and leave forever....
    what is done is done nothing can change it...
    but i can make everyone who hates me happy... by making sure they never have to see me again... I will kill myself in a way that noone will ever know that its me...

    any advice on places to die in secret in australia...
    i have a few in mind but if i told you guys it wouldent be a secret i want to die now but i cant.... there will be remainds here of a trace to know it was me...






    fuckin forenzics lol

    -sora yori
     
  2. birdy

    birdy Well-Known Member

    ...
    ...
    WOW!!!
    ...
    ...

    well yeah laughing does suck, we only laugh, because facing the truth is too damn hard.
    well as this is your first post i suppose, that you came here for help, or just cause people here can understand you. i know this sounds friggin cheesy, but there always is a hope, or at least something beautiful worth living for.
    why do you feel this way? what has happend to you to turn you into the person you are?

    what else should i say?!?
    oh yeah you can PM me if you feel like it...(actually id enjoy it, cause helping people is the only thing keeping me alive :D)

    :hug:
     
  3. devil_sora

    devil_sora Member

    Thanks Birdy,

    I guess alot of things have happened...
    I was too young to remember who took my virginity...
    I have always felt dirty....
    I came here because i think people can understand...
    I hope that prehaps someone has had simular experiance...
    I agree with you helping others is the only thing keeping me alive...
    If there was noone to help my hand would become useless...
    when I get to the stage of really wanting to take that trip i have always wanted and ending it all, leaving forever... I think.. "then what is my hand for"
    The basic use of the hand is to wave...
    Wave at whom? A friend, A stranger whoever...
    A hand can also be used to help somene when they drop things...
    But I guess these days I think... other people can do these simple things...
    I have done some horrible things in the last few years and because of that its killing me inside...
    Whats done is done it feels bad,
    But I know what I should do ... end it all and leave forever :)
    Then the people who do not wish to see me ever again do not ahve to...
    the people who are close to me now... it's scarry... but I want to make them hate me...
    I want to make them want to cut ties with me so i can go on my way quickly...
    Last night the voices were so noisy in my head...
    I wanted to jump under a train or walk to the bridge and jump... but these are all public displays..
    I do not wish to do it so publicly, where children or anyone for that matter can see it...

    :)
    the happiest ending is a happy ending right?

    take care,

    Sora
     
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