Not to go on a rant or anything.. and also not wanting to sound like a bitch.. but im tired of this.. my suicidal feelings are one thing.. self harm is another.. but most of all the mystery that no one will answer for me is WHY, why dont i have emotions? I remember when i was happy.. that feeling of warmth, wanting to smile, comfort, etc. I remember when i was angry.. screaming, yelling, fighting pulsing through my vains, boiling up wanting to explode. I remember sadness.. numbing, crying, pain, sobbing, depression.. I get annoyed.. i laugh at funny jokes.. every month if im lucky i get sad once or twice.. but i remember those feelings.. and this sure as hell isnt what i used to feel like.. the lines dead center most of the time.. not happy, not sad, not angry.. I self-harm to feel pain.. its one thing that i can feel.. Burning, Cutting.. My doctor and parents shove it away whenever i mention it.. like its not important.. it is to me.. Suicide is serious.. but why live if everything is so boring? i'd give anything to cry or smile or frown.. sorry about this rant.. but i really wanna know what i sould do.. ive been this way for over a year.. over two years.. maybe over three.. i resently started taking lexapro.. i suffer from ADHD, Anxiety (social), Depression, and if you wanna add it.. Drug abuse.. Being normal is way too much to ask.. but at least let me have my emotions back :\ Please respond.. i can use all the help i can get.. :\ P.S. id rather not trail off back into the suicide and self-harm.. they are problems.. but less important to me.. more managable..