No empathy, no identity, no hope and no support

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bill Roundtree, Mar 5, 2012.

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  1. Bill Roundtree

    Bill Roundtree New Member

    I am 20 years old. I am a college student. I live in America. I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I have just come to terms with this fact. I do not know myself. I have only pretended to. Everything about me is an illusion. My personality is a lie. All of my relationships are shallow and cosmetic. I have no empathy. I am a useless waste of space, potentially harmful to others and better off dead than living. I feel as if the usual types of support do not apply to my particular situation. Google "narcissistic personality disorder" and all you see are tips for recovering from the damage people like me have caused. There is no treatment or therapy for someone like me because most of the time we remain delusional for our entire lives and never seek treatment. But I have finally woken up, and I am terrified of what I see. I realize I am not special, I am not entitled, I am not any of the things I thought I was. I am less than human, I am nothing. There has never been any recorded case of a narcissist recovering or overcoming his condition.

    Because I do not care about other human beings, I am completely expendable. And for good reason.

    I am reaching out because I don't want to die. But everything about me that is human is telling me that I have failed and that there is no redemption and that the world would be a better place without me.
  2. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Hi Bill. There is a way for you to get over your problem and there is always hope my friend. I am glad you do not want to die. Your melancholy proves that you do care: you just are beyond the point of being able to handle it so to save yourself from a melt down your mind creates a way to save you from harm. The only way to break a delusion is to seek and to face the truth. Like you said many live in their delusion their entire lives and never seek treatment. Do you know why? I am sure you do. We all do. The unknown is scary. The fear of the unknown keeps people in all kinds of harmful and sad situations. I used to be one of them. I broke free my friend and so can you. Begin at the beginning of where you have gotten hurt. There is healing from all hurts inside out and it is through forgiveness. How? How can we not forgive one another? We are all aimlessly wandering around with no direction being taught to us. The generations before us did the same thing. BREAK THE CYCLE. There are answers and I found them by looking. Your a student on a quest to learning. You know in order to understand you have to seek, study, and apply. Life is no different. There is a book and a teacher to life. Seek HIM and learn from his teachings (whole teachings) and you will get it. You will come alive with every revelation and you will be empowered in your ability in changing not only your life for better but those around you. Hang in there and never give up, or allow anyone including yourself to give you a label. You are needed in this world you just haven't figured out why.
  3. Descendant

    Descendant Account Closed

    Having a narcissistic personality is a disorder? I was starting to believe people who acted that way were normal, and compassionate people were the ones with personality disorders. Most people are just complete a**holes by nature so I wouldn't agree that it's a "disorder". However the fact that you've come to this realization on your own means that you're moving towards a positive change in yourself. It's not something you should be ashamed of but rather humbled by.
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