I am honestly ready to go. Been ready for some time. The things keeping me here are the fear of Hell if I die and the fear of permanent disability if I were unsuccessful. There is nothing left here for me. I am 33 and have almost no friends, no life, my house is a shithole that I am embarrassed overyet have no help in anything. My husband does nothing but go to work, come home and drink. We are possibly losing our house within a few months if mediation is unsuccessful. I AM the one dealing with our lawyer, cooking, the dogs. My husband is a total in denial alcoholic. He is mean when he gets drunk. We can't go and see friends because when we do he gets drunk and embarrasses us. I AM bipolar, the meds don't work and have put 30 disgusting lbs on me. I cannot talk to my husband, he uses my mental illness against me. My family is hyper religeous and don't believe in psychiatry. Plus if I left my husband all I would appear to be is a failure. I have no friends anymore really. I can't tell anyone at work. I am a psych nurse at a hospital, other timeswhen I have had to be hospitalized I have then been treated extremely poorly at work. I have no where to put all this other than stuffing it. I see no point anymore in living.