no end in sight

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by faeriegirl, Nov 11, 2013.

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  1. faeriegirl

    faeriegirl Active Member

    I am honestly ready to go. Been ready for some time. The things keeping me here are the fear of Hell if I die and the fear of permanent disability if I were unsuccessful. There is nothing left here for me. I am 33 and have almost no friends, no life, my house is a shithole that I am embarrassed overyet have no help in anything. My husband does nothing but go to work, come home and drink. We are possibly losing our house within a few months if mediation is unsuccessful. I AM the one dealing with our lawyer, cooking, the dogs. My husband is a total in denial alcoholic. He is mean when he gets drunk. We can't go and see friends because when we do he gets drunk and embarrasses us. I AM bipolar, the meds don't work and have put 30 disgusting lbs on me.

    I cannot talk to my husband, he uses my mental illness against me. My family is hyper religeous and don't believe in psychiatry. Plus if I left my husband all I would appear to be is a failure. I have no friends anymore really. I can't tell anyone at work. I am a psych nurse at a hospital, other timeswhen I have had to be hospitalized I have then been treated extremely poorly at work. I have no where to put all this other than stuffing it. I see no point anymore in living.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, after reading your post I can't help but feel so sorry for your situation. Is it possible you could talk to a colleague about how low you are feeling? IF you did leave your husband perhaps you could have a fresh start a new life somewhere else? Suicide is never the solution.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You would be strong if you left him you do not deserve his abuse hun. Psych nurse that shows you how intelligent and important you are. I am sorry your collegues treat you so poorly when you need care. I will not go to same hospital i work at i try to go to o ne that noone knows me Please stay safe ok andif you can get away from the abuse and start a new life for YOU You have a job you can support youself and leave him you can
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi. I am so sorry things are this bad for you. I can think of a way you could have a great support system of people who would accept you. Would you be interested in going to Al-anon meetings? I did it. And I liked it very much. I had to be convinced to go because of pre-conceived ideas about it. I think its an awesome way to find a supportive environment. And people there get sponsors who they can call and talk with. I really like Al-anon. It helped me a lot.
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