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No End In Sight!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ellycat, May 14, 2007.

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  1. Ellycat

    Ellycat Active Member

    I met a lovely girl in India last winter and we fell in love almost immediately. The problem was that we both had addiction problems to opiates. Anyway we decided to make a pact to quit the dope and start a new life together in Devon in England. The times we had in Arambol for 8 weeks were the best I'd ever had. I'm 43 and Joanna was 33. I never thought the age gap was a problem and we both conducted a list of our new life together including living together and finding proper jobs for the first time in ages. Joanna persuaded me to fly home from India as I was going to stay for the whole winter season. I didnĀ“t need any persuading I can tell you. Anyway on return to the UK Joanna was still telling me how much she loved me but completely out of the blue she dumped me. This was like a bomb-shell and it has now been 5 months since she ended the relationship and I still can't get over her. The easiest way out of this would for me to just inject a massive amount of heroin and kill myself. I am staying at my parents at the moment as I can't even find a flat. I really do believe it would be better for all if I would just end all this. I have since been threatening Joanna for causing all my heartache and am afraid I might hurt her as well. Suicide for me is only just around the corner as I have nobody to turn to.:sad:
    How I miss sleeping in a half empty bed with nobody to hug and cuddle up to.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 14, 2007
  2. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Sorry to hear that! At least I must say that hurting her would only make things worse. Along the same lines: Do not kill yourself just to show her.
  3. Ellycat

    Ellycat Active Member

    But why has she killed my soul? I'd rather she'd broken every bone in my body than do this to me.:mad:
  4. Wiseblood

    Wiseblood Member

    She didnt kill your soul is the only practical answer. She dumped you, and thats it.

    I'm sorry, but the idea of killing yourself over a girl is either moronic or just plain silly. There are 10,000 other lovelies out there for you if you want to find at least one of them.

    At 43 i might have thought you'd have known better, but here is the news if you missed it: Men and women break each others hearts everyday.

    Live with it. If you cant, and if it was that awesome a love story, then at least leave something to humanity and write a book about this awe inspiring passion.

    You might find though that Hardy and Lawrence beat you to it though.

    Of all the things to top yourself over, love is the least of them. Try bankruptcy and seeing your own home and every thing you lived and worked for taken away from you first, then come back and tell me your woes.

    I wish you the best of luck, with the next totty on the hippy trail, of course

    Yours, sympathetic, but not that much

  5. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Not the most sympathetic post I've ever read, Wiseblood.

    Ellycat: I know it's hard to get over someone when you feel they are totally right for you.
    I came here because of the breakup of a relationship, and I'm still here now, because I stayed here, at SF (Suicideforum.com), and received support and love and care.
    After a few months, I began to realise that things could be good again, and I could get back to my old self.
    With this knowledge, I began to do just that: drag myself up out of the rut that I'd got myself in, and I'm still here today.
    I've even found someone else now, who I am so grateful for having found :) she's amazing :)

    So, essentially, give yourself time to grieve, and come here and get support to help you through those dark days :)
    I can't promise it'll be easy, but we will do our best to help you through.

    You could also try the Samaritans e-mail support too, if you feel that'll also help.

    Stay with us, keep fighting and battling through the days, and let our support here help you through.
    There are more people out there for you - there is for everybody, but, it takes time to recover from the loss of someone. We're here to help you do that :)

    Take care,

  6. Wiseblood

    Wiseblood Member


    I appreciate why this forum exists and why you are there for people who feel that they are at the end of their tether.

    But this guy needs to snap out of it, and he needs to do it now. With or without this woman, he still has a life to look forward to. He did before he met her, and i assume he does still.

    Ok, maybe i'm missing the tactile vibe of this forum, and this guy has a lot of reasons to be in pain, but absolutely no reason to kill himself.

    I'll think about posting my own story, maybe. I have plans to end my own life, but they are clinical and clear. There is no emotion involved. Its circumstantial yes, but i decide my own involvement in that circumstance.

    I would hate to think of someone ending there life out of emotional involvement, because there is always a solution to that one. Its called time.

    It does heal.

  7. Ellycat

    Ellycat Active Member

    First of all thanks Abacus21:smile:
    Wiseblood, no I didn't have much of a life before I met Joanna. I had just been made homeless so luckily my elderly parents let them stay with them until I set off on the hippy trail. I was a victim of an unprovoked violent assault by three men who surreptitiously made their way into my flat and I ended up pushing my arms through my living room window to cry for help! I have since found out that there is a vigilante mob who like to take out their anger on junkies. You see wiseblood I have been on incapacity benefit for 13 years in the UK for my addiction and debilitating panic attacks (which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy). And yes I have been suffering from depression during that time and have tried various anti-depressants. None have seem to worked. Yes I have been dumped in the past a plethora of times but this one is a different kettle of fish because of all the false promises of us living together and generally trying to sort out our lives together. It was if she was sent to me from heaven (whereever that is). Anyway my heroin intake as dramatically dropped and I'm going to pester my keyworker for an inpatient detox as a last resort because I am totally fed up with this degrading lifestyle on junk. By the way wiseblood because I left the flat in which I was wantonly assaulted in in a hurry, in which I accrued 1200 pounds rent arrears so I have no chance of being re-housed until I get them down to at least 500 pounds. So if you think it's just because of Joanna that I have suicidal tendencies you are mistaken my friend. It's just that she kicked me badly when I was already down where I've never been before:sad:
    I hope this sheds more light on my situation. For 3 months when I met Joanna I honestly thought she was the spade that was going to dig me out of my hole. Maybe a tad more compassion would help, or maybe not!!!!!!!
    Last edited by a moderator: May 15, 2007
  8. Ellycat

    Ellycat Active Member

    "Try bankruptcy and seeing your own home and every thing you lived and worked for taken away from you first, then come back and tell me your woes."
    Been there and got the T-Shirt!
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