no energy to live

life is so boring. i dont do anything because im done with school and im searching for a job but no one is calling me back. im beginning to think i have an eating disorder because of my fear of vomiting. i eat during the day but whenever i eat i feel sick so i stop. my stomach really hurts at night because im so hungry but im afraid to eat because i dont want to wake in the middle of the night feeling sick. ive been so dehydrated lately but its so hard to drink fluids when you feel sick to your stomach. i thought i was gonna collapse today because i was so dehydrated. i drink a bottle of water one day and i feel so accomplished but then the next day i know i have to do it again and its just so hard to do. i didnt want to but this in the eating disorder section because i dont want to think that i have a disorder or i dont want to label it.
then on top of it i dont feel like i deserve anything not even food. i know i have earned so much in the past year but i just dont feel like i have done much and i should try harder but i cant find the energy. i feel so emotionally and physcally drained everyday. im afraid to get a job because i know i will feel sick and i dont want them to fire me because i keep asking to go home or for breaks.
i have gone to the doctor. took tons of tests. nothing abnormal.

 

first of all you gotta eat and drink water, its not weather you deserve it, its survival.
second, is there a reason for fear of vomitting?, its not that bad is it?
if the doctors couldnt find anything with test, maybe its not physical, it might be phsycalogical.
there must be a reason for getting sick. do you have a favourit food?
i wouldnt worrie about not getting as job, just keep trying. i was out of work for a year, got a job, then got fired and was outta work for 6 months then got another one, something will come along.

 

my fear has taken over my daily life. its been like this for the past 5 yrs or so. so yes it is that bad. i want to go to my therapist again but i have no ride to get there. thats why i want a job so i can pay for car insurance so i can drive to my apps.
im not too worried about jobs but its so nerve racking because the interviews and meeting new people.

 

Emily, I've been suffering some of the same things you mentioned and I've recently been told that I need to have my thyroids checked. I haven't been to the Dr. yet since I was told that this past week because I don't have transportation right now, but as soon as I'm able to I'll be going to the Dr. to have that checked. Like you, I have had several tests done & the Dr.'s haven't found anything but none one of them checked my thyroids. Did they check that on you? If not, you might want to request it. Just some info, hoping to be helpful for you.
Also, like you, I'm afraid of getting a job and then getting fired for having to leave early because of being sick. I quit my last job because I was leaving early so much they started fussing at me about it, and I know it would have eventually led to me being fired. So, I completely understand where you're coming from and anytime you need someone to talk to, someone who will understand, feel free to send me a private message.

 

Did the doctor hear this whole story? Maybe the doctor just didn't know what to do. Have you tried any anti-anxiety meds? (I'm not a doctor, nor am I suggesting you take medication, just wondering if it's something you've tried or thought about trying.) I have kind of the opposite problem... I just eat too much to drown my sorrow. (Although, these days it's less that I eat too much and more that I just simply don't move around enough.)

 

im glad someone else can understand me. I have had my thyroids checked. Normal.

 

no i havent talked to them about it because i try to avoid it but next time i see them i will. i dont know when that will be though because i dont have a way to get there right now. i havent been on anti anxiety meds only depression. i have wanted to ask her about it. i wish i ate alot to drown my sorrows ha then i could finally gain weight! but actually i probably wouldnt gain much at all. it wouldnt even be noticeable ha.