No evil angels

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by JasonHoods, Apr 11, 2008.

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  1. JasonHoods

    JasonHoods New Member

    So I'm new to this site and I'm here for obvious reasons. I'm 23 years old and at this point there is not a lot keeping me from putting the steel to my head. Friends by name I have many, friends by meaning I have none. My parents openly do not love me and I've been alone for quite some time. I've been a firm believer from a young age that human beings do not need love. I've survived this long without out and I can survive longer. The question is why should I? If you are thinking about replying to this post and feel the need to mention that "god" loves me, then don't bother. I believe that god is astrological and there is absolutely nothing to change my mind about that. Once again, please DO NOT use god in your reply. I've also seen posts saying that I should not THINK like no one loves me. Well there is no use in not thinking that because in my case it's obvious. I don't know anyone, and the ones who do know me are either loose friends or they just plain don't like me. That brings me back to a previous statement about not needing love. I understand that I can deal without it, but it's pretty hard. The worse things get for me, the worse I respond. All the time I was being abused as a child, I figured it was my fault. My mother and father were never going to stay together, but they had me and never forgave me for that. I know ultimately that is not my fault but the bottom line is I took the wrap for it. That's what it boils down to. I've taken the wrap for everything and at some point I think a person should have the right to call it quits. People say that you're "selfish" for suicide. Who the fuck is ANYONE to tell ME that I'M selfish! I've spent my entire life giving, reaching, STRIVING, to be normal, to have friends, to have LOVE. It's not happening, and the longer I wait, the worse I get thus making it harder to ever acheive a normal life. People say it's "cowardly" to commit suicide? How? I can gaurentee there isn't a person on this site I couldn't stand up to. I'm not "afraid" of life, I just don't like living and I want to die.
     
  2. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    You can not survive without LOVE. I know, there are some ppl who will say hang on, it will be better, youll find love, its gonna be OK, there is always tomorow, and some shit like this. I dont like to listen this things, to. And I dont like them to tell me god loves you, god excist, just hang on. No, thanks.
    I know how is to live a life without love. I dont have love, and I need it so much. Ofcourse, there is always tomorow, but im waiting for that tomorow so long, it hasnt come yet, so I dont think it will ever come. I dont know what can I say to make you feel better. I just want you to know that you are not alone in your loneliness. There are a lot of like you. I am one of them. I understand how you feel. We can always talk, even I know we can not help each other to be happy, but we can make each other to be less unhappy.
     
  3. JasonHoods

    JasonHoods New Member

    Hey, pretty well spoken reply. I aprrecieate your words. It's also come to my attention that I made it seem as though I had no friends. What I meant was that I don't have friends that I can TALK to or feel able to talk to.
     
  4. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    You can always talk to me, when Im online. You can add me on msn if you want.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 30, 2009
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I know how you feel and I also know that no words are going to cure it all, maybe act as a temporary band aid, but nothing more. But everyone needs to be loved. If we didn't then it wouldn't be so hard and this wouldn't hurt so damn much! Like tougly, I have nothing to offer but caring and to let you know that you aren't alone in your feelings, thoughts and pain. PM if there is anything I can do or offer to try and help you through this shitty spot we find ourselves in.
     
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