No Excuse

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ire, Mar 24, 2008.

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  1. Ire

    Ire Guest

    Everyone I talk to, and everyone here has some reason for their depression.

    They were abused, or lost someone close to them, or had some traumatic event. Me? I have no excuse. I have a great family. I have enough money. I've never been abused, never been through a traumatic event...

    So why am I so depressed? Why do I want to die right now?

    I feel like I am just... fake. Like I don't even deserve to feel depressed. I just should feel numb... kind of like I feel right now. Felt depressed earlier... but now... just... want to die. But I don't.

    I don't even know why I am posting this.

    I just want to know... why do I feel like dying without reason?
  2. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    I feel like that too. :hug:

    maybe it is a chemical imbalance?
  3. Bellabie

    Bellabie Member

    Many people feel this, love.
    Depression is chemical,
    Even without scarring, you can experience it.

    Please do not let this make you feel as though you are a fake.

    Rather than asking if your are dying without reason,
    Ask if these reasons are really worth dying for.

    I know you can be strong.
    Please, believe in that.
  4. Ire

    Ire Guest

    But there is nothing worth living for either.

    And it is all the blur of just one day after another, feeling either depressed or nothingness or a sarcastic bitter amusement.

    I do not like that my life is subject to the whims of chemicals in my brain.

    Ah, well, another day I guess. Deciding to take a shower, try and fap, and try to sleep.
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2008
  5. Blank Stare

    Blank Stare Member

    You are certainly not alone. I also have a great, supportive family, girlfriend, friends, good education, etc. yet I've still had thoughts of suicide for the past year and a half. I agree that it must be a chemical imbalance.
  6. Bellabie

    Bellabie Member

    Biology is disgustingly frank.
    You are not at the whim of chemicals, though, friend, unless you let yourself be.
    Although said chemicals may cause a fairly sweet life to seem sour, this does not mean that you cannot control them.
    Yes, each day may seem insignificant, that may be.
    Your role is to find the meaning in each one.
    You are seeing life as a mosaic of monotony without seeing that each day, each tile, has it's own beauty.

    Look beyond, friend. You can.
    If your life does have these wonderful things,
    Try your best to appreciate them for all that they're worth.
  7. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    Well, here's the thing. People like to have something to blame things on.

    Suppose you have 100 depressed people who were abused as children and 100 depressed people who weren't. Every single one of those who were abused are going to blame every problem they have on their abuse.

    Human beings tend to scoff at the idea that sometimes, there's just no discernible reason for things that happen. sometimes, you have to accept that it just is.

    I had pretty close to an ideal upbringing and all the opportunity in the world and yet, here I am at 34, depressed, unemployed and adrift.
  8. Ire

    Ire Guest

    Bah, can't sleep!

    I suppose you are right Random. I just hate knowing... like I don't deserve to feel depressed. :blink:

    Bellabie... I lived 18 years to get where I am now and arrived HERE. At NOTHING.
    If I havn't done it in 18 years then when the hell am I going to find my 'meaning'.
  9. Bellabie

    Bellabie Member

    First off: Patience.
    If you honestly believe that people should find their meaning while they're still a teenager, then I do not know what to say. Lives are long, for the most part, so that they may be filled with pursuit of finding the best answer to the question of meaning.
    You mustn't expect, friend, you must hope. There is a very large difference.

    I believe in you, even if you choose not to believe in yourself. You are worth all of this and so much more.
  10. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    I know that feeling. I sometimes doubt whether I actually have depression or if I just want to find an excuse for being lazy or self pitying or something...
  11. Ire

    Ire Guest

    I am feeling much better now... thanks to the people on here!

    My mood swung 180 in like 10 minutes, which kind of pisses me off, but I feel much better now.

    So thank you people :)
  12. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    That's good :hug:
  13. so long and goodnight

    so long and goodnight Active Member

    more power to you
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