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Lady Wolfshead

Lady Wolfshead

On hiatus
#1
#1
@Help56 @Anchorchain @Livelife @Waves

Several people mentioned a support thread for members with no family or friends so I thought I'd start one, since it's 5AM and I can't sleep. I do have a brother at present (although he may have a serious illness) and am married. However I have had family members and friends die, I have no children and my husband is 10 years older, and we recently moved to a new city. My few remaining friends are hours away. I feel pretty isolated although of course I'm grateful to have the people I have.

Many of my online friends (from here and other mental health forums) are very isolated and have little to no family or friends IRL. I am shocked how many people on these forums have no close contacts. Even young people who have not endured bereavement.

So guys... take it away. Connect on here and maybe share ideas for making some connections IRL. Below I will post a link to an earlier post I made with suggestions for finding friends. I really do recommend Meetup as it has helped me to at least make casual friends through writers' groups and so on. I plan to attend other some of the other Meetup groups in my city as well (I saw walking groups, meditation and board games.) The groups are often free or cheap.

Also for practical aspects of living alone. How do you deal with security, or emergency contacts? There is an app called Snug where you check in every day, and if you don't it will call a contact for you, or possibly emergency services. There are bracelets now where you can tap the charm twice and it will call 911. I'm sure smartwatches must have something like that too. So important if you have pets too, in case anything happens to you.

I'm big on personal protection and have pepper spray and a personal alarm. The pepper spray I don't carry around - it's only for if someone were to break into our home.

There are some cases where you need someone to pick you up after a medical procedure. My city does have volunteers who will pick up and drop off seniors from a medical appointment. Not sure if this is acceptable to the health providers - I think I was told I had to have a family member pick me up after my colonoscopy. It's stupid - when I was there I realized I could have just walked out afterwards. My husband doesn't drive. When I had an endoscopy I refused the anaesthetic so I could take the bus home - the procedure was uncomfortable but not too bad. Surely they must realize not everyone has someone to pick them up.

https://www.suicideforum.com/commun...people-wanting-friends-irl-and-online.167553/
 
Last edited:
Anchorchain

Anchorchain

Well-Known Member
#2
#2
Thank you for starting this thread, Lady Wolfshead. I'll check in.

Finding a ride when I need one can be an embarrassing thing for me. I live 7 miles away from the nearest town and the neighbors across the road have obligingly driven me there a few times and done it with good grace. But I'm reluctant to wear out my welcome with them. There's a taxi service that comes this far and their drivers have been known to pick up discharged patients from the hospital too. OK, I belong to a church.......I could ask the pastor to arrange a ride if I can't drive myself. As to that, I've provided rides and cargo delivery too for other church members in my car and pickup truck.

Living alone (the nearest neighbor is about 100 yards away) I don't want to fall down some steps and die slowly then be found months later rotting away on the basement floor. So I move carefully and I exercise every day and so plan to avoid falls. I don't keep my phone on me at home, and the emergency call type devices cost more than I'm willing to pay....maybe a foolish economy decision considering the possible outcome. I could get a small, cheap flip type dumb phone and carry it around at all times......

Security? I'm a USA citizen and I have guns. That is a last resort.......for various things. I have pepper spray and stick type weapons and motion activated lights all around my house perimeter. And there are far more isolated homes that more likely to be chosen for home invasion.

Actually, what's on my mind daily, rather than security or rides, is that with living alone I'm prone to postpone housekeeping tasks. OK, I'm not a hoarder.......I felt OK about my farm operator coming inside this November to deliver me his rent check......but there are dust accumulations, cobwebs here and there, a bit of clutter on surfaces. I do however wash dishes every time I cook. Still, my home is a far cry from "House Beautiful" standards.

I could live a better version of life.
 
Lady Wolfshead

Lady Wolfshead

On hiatus
#3
#3
Anchorchain said:
Thank you for starting this thread, Lady Wolfshead. I'll check in.

Finding a ride when I need one can be an embarrassing thing for me. I live 7 miles away from the nearest town and the neighbors across the road have obligingly driven me there a few times and done it with good grace. But I'm reluctant to wear out my welcome with them. There's a taxi service that comes this far and their drivers have been known to pick up discharged patients from the hospital too. OK, I belong to a church.......I could ask the pastor to arrange a ride if I can't drive myself. As to that, I've provided rides and cargo delivery too for other church members in my car and pickup truck.

Living alone (the nearest neighbor is about 100 yards away) I don't want to fall down some steps and die slowly then be found months later rotting away on the basement floor. So I move carefully and I exercise every day and so plan to avoid falls. I don't keep my phone on me at home, and the emergency call type devices cost more than I'm willing to pay....maybe a foolish economy decision considering the possible outcome. I could get a small, cheap flip type dumb phone and carry it around at all times......

Security? I'm a USA citizen and I have guns. That is a last resort.......for various things. I have pepper spray and stick type weapons and motion activated lights all around my house perimeter. And there are far more isolated homes that more likely to be chosen for home invasion.

Actually, what's on my mind daily, rather than security or rides, is that with living alone I'm prone to postpone housekeeping tasks. OK, I'm not a hoarder.......I felt OK about my farm operator coming inside this November to deliver me his rent check......but there are dust accumulations, cobwebs here and there, a bit of clutter on surfaces. I do however wash dishes every time I cook. Still, my home is a far cry from "House Beautiful" standards.

I could live a better version of life.
Click to expand...
Sounds like you are doing okay. That's an interesting comment about phones - I have read to take a phone into the bathroom if you have a shower/bath, and put it on the floor so you can reach it if you fall. I've also heard it's good to do balance exercises such as alternate standing on one foot then the other.

I'm not the best housekeeper but sometimes I tell myself I will clean for 15 minutes. It's amazing what you can do sometimes in 15 minutes.
 
Anchorchain

Anchorchain

Well-Known Member
#4
#4
Lady Wolfshead said:
Sounds like you are doing okay. That's an interesting comment about phones - I have read to take a phone into the bathroom if you have a shower/bath, and put it on the floor so you can reach it if you fall. I've also heard it's good to do balance exercises such as alternate standing on one foot then the other.

I'm not the best housekeeper but sometimes I tell myself I will clean for 15 minutes. It's amazing what you can do sometimes in 15 minutes.
Click to expand...
I do balance and lower body strength exercises but overdid one: Standing on one foot and tracing out the alphabet with the other foot. I did that four times a day for two weeks or so and stressed out a ligament to the point of recurring pain in my right heel. That was in early November and it's only now getting back to normal. At almost 70 yrs old, it's wiser to build up fitness gradually.

The 15 minute housecleaning thing is a good idea!
 
Lady Wolfshead

Lady Wolfshead

On hiatus
#5
#5
Anchorchain said:
I do balance and lower body strength exercises but overdid one: Standing on one foot and tracing out the alphabet with the other foot. I did that four times a day for two weeks or so and stressed out a ligament to the point of recurring pain in my right heel. That was in early November and it's only now getting back to normal. At almost 70 yrs old, it's wiser to build up fitness gradually.

The 15 minute housecleaning thing is a good idea!
Click to expand...
Wow that alphabet thing sounds challenging. I just stand on one foot and kind of swing the other around. lol
 
H

Help56

Well-Known Member
#6
#6
Thank you fir setting up. I have no one and I have been fixings ways to cope . Sometimes I don’t bath for days .y therapist and medicines don’t help. It’s lonely . I sm resigned . I used to have someone but left . My mom and dad are dead .
 
Lady Wolfshead

Lady Wolfshead

On hiatus
#8
#8
Help56 said:
Thank you fir setting up. I have no one and I have been fixings ways to cope . Sometimes I don’t bath for days .y therapist and medicines don’t help. It’s lonely . I sm resigned . I used to have someone but left . My mom and dad are dead .
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear about your mom and dad. Please don't feel bad about the bathing - a lot of people with depression have trouble with hygiene, but it does help if you can go out for a walk or just get out in the light once in a while.

Regarding meds it can take a while to find one that helps. I tried a dozen meds before finding one that seems to help a bit. The effect is subtle but it helps me cry less.

Regarding therapists, how long were you in therapy? I watch a YouTube channel called Therapy in a Nutshell that is really good.
 
H

Help56

Well-Known Member
#9
#9
Thanks . Done this for a while years now do doubt that medicines will change anything . If anything they made me get some other issues . On walks don’t go out of the house afraid of people … they ask questions and I don’t look great …. I get panic attacks . I tried but Everytime I did I felt worse . I think sometimes fir some there is no turning bk. like cancer . I think euthanasia should be accessible for people like me . Seven years I can’t do it anymore . My haur is falling out now
 
H

Help56

Well-Known Member
#13
#13
People want this life soo badly I don’t but yet I am forced to live it because people want to preserve life but at what cost … to me …. I simply don’t want it
 
H

Help56

Well-Known Member
#14
#14
Sorry guys …. I am just tired of having to be Told I have to try … I have seven years I can’t do it anymore so it’s like a broken record … done it all just feel worse
 
I

I Love Tomorrow

Well-Known Member
#15
#15
Help56 said:
Sorry guys …. I am just tired of having to be Told I have to try … I have seven years I can’t do it anymore so it’s like a broken record … done it all just feel worse
Click to expand...
I'm sorry you're in pain. You've made some good points I've also thought about too. Those in situations like that are high on my list of what bothers me in life. I don't know why certain things exist in life.

I don't have much advice except for when I'm feeling that way, it helps to remind myself that nothing living lasts forever in this world. Eventually we all get our wish, as much as I don't think we should run towards it or make it happen by our own hand. Still, can't help feeling that way no matter how hard you try sometimes
 
Anchorchain

Anchorchain

Well-Known Member
#18
#18
It's New Year's Eve and I'll be alone like I was on Christmas.......it's OK, no crisis.....just another reminder that I wish I'd done things differently these last 50 years.
I'm making the communion bread for tomorrow's church service, like I do every month. It's a functionally cooperative interaction between myself and the other 500 or so other church members.
Structured activities like that are my only functional social contacts.
That's why I'm alone on New Year's Eve instead of celebrating at parties with a bunch of friends.

Still, if I enjoyed parties in the first place, I might have been included in them all these years. It would be nice to enjoy things rather than just functioning effectively.
 
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