no father for my baby

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by alwaysincrisis, Nov 23, 2007.

  1. alwaysincrisis

    alwaysincrisis Well-Known Member

    My husband died 3 months ago in August. We had known each other for 11 years, but only together as a couple for 2. 9 weeks later I discovered I was pregnant with his baby. I am so scared to be a single mum. Also that it may inherit my Bipolar Disorder disease as my mum had it for 30 years so it's almost a certainty.

    How do I do it? I have enough trouble coping with myself let alone another little person.
  2. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Dear mum to be, i am truely sorry you lost your husband and have to go through pregnancy without your partner being at your side thourough it and be at your side when the moment will come.

    Hun, I know that you have alot on your mind and having a bpd mother is making you worrying, over worrying to be honest and if you are yourself I can understand the 'why' of such thoughts yet from a medical point of view, here is what I know from a medical site in which I have bother to look into to get further information.

    Hun, first lets make a difference here. The actual % rate on inheriting BPD is
    of ten percent if you have a close family member suffering from it. (basically 10% chances that the child actually has it) MEANING FOCUS ON 90% chances that the babe will be a pinkish healthy bubbly baby.

    There is a risk (but no more than any other person) of 80% that it develops later in life (between teen and adulthood) and the remaining 20% chance for other factors, and on that meds do know very little to this day (non inherent to having family related bpd) and so forth.

    For what I know, no choice in getting informed, Twins have a 70% higher chances to develop bpd. If ONE parent sufferfs from BPD, the risk that the child actually develops it is down to 7 to 10% (meaning hardly) and if both parents are actually suffering of BPD the chances are of about 20%.

    Hope this will help you some and that you will not start seeing it all dark as there might not even be sufficient ground for worrying. Like my grandmother died from cancer, my brother also so does that mean that it is in the family genes and i will actually get it too? Chances are what they are.. no higher or lower than for any given person......... same in your case.

    Enjoy your prengancy and try to calm your worring mind (normal also as the hormones tend to put mothers to be in strange states of mind at times).
    Do take good care of your health, visit regularely your gyneco and enjoy each day of tranquility you have before your life be disturb by so many changes with a new born :smile:

    some walking will also help you clear your mind and fill you with some peace within so take this good habit from the start. you will appreciate this advice later during pregnancy as you will tend to have problem with retaining water and swell (ankles mostly and feet amen)... so lots of water, walking slowly but regularely is recommended.

    Changes is something that has already started yet slow changes..... fast changes and ongoing changes will last for many years ahead of you.... lol

    Be happy as much as you can hun. This time will not return and must be something to look forward to not to be wasted on un-necessary worries without reason.

    Let us know how the pregnancy is going and am curious to know if it is a he or a she. :hug:

    Best of luck and look forward to that new babe hun..... you will fall in love as soon as you will see it and hold it for the very first time ever and become a tigress at the very same moment :smile: what nature does to women :wink:
    a wonder to men and a blessing to women

    Last edited: Nov 23, 2007
  3. alwaysincrisis

    alwaysincrisis Well-Known Member

    That is so comforting thank you......I guess I know how difficult it is having a BPD mum and don't want to pass that on to my baby. I am 14 weeks pregnant and the morning sickness (24/7 for me!) has just eased off so I will try to remain positive. It helps very much to come here and talk.......x
  4. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Hun, not because your mun has it and you have it that the babe will.
    Secondly, when your mum first was diagnostic of bpd there wasn't the help nor knowledge of today so you can't compare what it could (hardly possible) lke for a child in today's age to face a mother being bpd. Keep in mind that 30 years or even 10 years ago things were not that known and in 10 or 20 years ahead in time life and knowledge will more but far more advanced...... both with treating and helping a bpd so a child of today will never, but never go through what had been or is being today...... so concentrate on more plausible outcomes......

    You are YOU, not your mother. YOU are healthy and the chance that the babe had it is so slim that you can even forget about it. YOU must seek to YOUR health, both mental and physical right now and enjoy somethng that lasts only few months and never comes back (babe come out they dont go back in) lol

    so enjoy what's left of the pregnancy and smile.... look up at night and talk to your partner about the babe and dont forget to talk about how much he would have loved her-him should he have been here with you.

    hope both, your and his, families will rejoice with you and will be at your side all the way and after. the babe will need all the Love and care it is possible.

    hug to you and dont forget..... wanna know what it is.... blue or pink??? :biggrin:

    take care of yourself hun :hug:
  5. GypsyGirl

    GypsyGirl Well-Known Member

    :hug: mama to be
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    It is difficult being a single parent, but you can do it. The child will be a part of both you and your husband. You will find a closeness and deep love that you never thought possible. Your child does have a father. It is just that the father is unable to be with the two of you. You can let your child know what kind of person its father was. Share your memories with your your baby. Let us know how things progress. We would love to help you celebrate your childs birth. :hug:
  7. alwaysincrisis

    alwaysincrisis Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for such encouragement for me to go to bed on. You are so right....he/she does have a its not 'my baby'......its 'our baby'.......that is such a comforting thought. I am seeing my family tomorrow so I will tell them and let you know how I get on tomorrow night......x