No Feeling

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by InnerStrength, Jun 6, 2007.

  1. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Many times, when I wake up I just stare off into space wondering why I am still here. I lay there, with no desire to get up and do anything. This has been going on for years. I'm a zombie.

    I hate this world, for making me live when I would've preferred to not exist at all. I hate physical contact, when someone touches me, I want to break their arm off. I shouldn't be like that!

    I'm a zombie that hates human contact, yes I'm sure things "will get better." I just wish I knew how to painlessly and effectively commit suicide. I'd feel sorry for my family, but I'm sure they'd get over it soon enough.
  2. bunny

    bunny Staff Alumni

    i think you know somewhere that last line is not ture, suicide is not something anyone really gets over, esspecially family

    maybe you need to make yourself a schedual for each day, so you dont just stay in bed doing nothing, even if it has to be as detailed as: brush teeth, wash, brush hair, get dressed, then do something. and find things to do, maybe online, or going out or even just reading a book, as long as it keeps you occupied

    :hug: hope youre feeling a little better
  3. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Gosh, I must've made myself sound real pathetic! I don't surely need a detailed schedule of that level. Hygiene is a pretty basic thing for most people, myself included.

    But, I do have a job so most days I don't lay in bed doing nothing. Still, it's a mundane existence. I just don't see the point of making everyone else feel better, while I'm in complete mental and physical misery. I always hear the saying "Life only comes around once," and I usually think in my head "Thank God for that."

    Keeping occupied isn't what life is about. It's about enjoying connections with people, etc and unfortunately I can't appreciate things like that anymore. I'm just too tired.

    I do appreciate your attempts at making me feel better. I just don't think most people can grasp my level of irritability and "depression."
  4. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    btw, when I said I hated human contact, I meant in a physical sense. I can socialize easily enough, it's just that I'd rather not talk because having a mild conversation with someone will tire me out for some reason. Maybe it's depression, I dunno. That, and I'm always looking for hidden meanings when someone speaks to me.

    As far as physical touching, it makes me want to jump out of my skin when someone places their hand on me. I know that sounds really odd, but it's how I am. Someday, I'd like to feel someone's embrace without wanting to pull away.

    I think I'm only one step away from losing it.
  5. bunny

    bunny Staff Alumni

    i didnt mean to imply that you weren't hygenic, sorry if you took it that way, i just know some people benifit from continuity and getting everything thats needed done reduces stress, i only included those first things as i dont know what you do with your day but theyre the first for most

    this isnt about making everyone else feel better, its about making you feel better, which isnt possible when youre dead, what have you done to help youreself feel better? meds maybe? or therapy? (it's not all about talking, so if you cant looking to other things like art therapy)

    i mentioned keeping occupied not because it's all that matters but if youre doing something it often stops the bad thoughts getting through, or at least dulls them while you concentrate, plus if you try enough new things you may well find something you enjoy

    i do understand what you say about talking tring you, i get it too a lot, i sleep for a day if i go into town and have to talk to too many people, im always thinking about what they think of me, or what they mean under their words, or that ill say something stupid ect. it has a lot to do with anxiety

    i hope you are able to feel better soon, please look for something to help you, and if the first thing doesnt help dont give up, theres so many different things that can be done

    take care :hug:
  6. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Meds and Therapy have done nothing for me. Again I appreciate your suggestions, but I'm probably just a hopeless case.