what can i tell you?, im sorry you fell like that, i know how it fells cause im felling same way myself. at the begining i was very stress a lot of anguish sadness panic anxiety but once i see the posibility that i can end my life and i dont have to sufer no more a sort of calmness came to me, like the knowing that i dont have to fell this way forever. i have been mentaly diferent since i can remember , struglling all my youth trying to fit in, well, its imposible, now im 55 , i fell old and tired, i dont even have the money to buy more medicines, or food, or anything. last december i tried suicide for the fourth time, i took a lot of <edit mod total eclipse method> my exgirlfriend found me like 12 hours later an took me to the hospital and then she put me in a psychiatric facility , i dont remember much, i was uncouncious for several days and when i woke up i was in a hospital bed with my hands tied to it. sorry about the gramar and the spelling but english is not my lenguange, im in mexico, in a small town. in the hospital they put me on risperdal and effexor and i felt fine but like a zombie, like if i were stoned out of my mind. i just could take that medication for two months more or less and then i changed the risperdal for abilify and it was much better. but my suicidal thoughts have been still with me, they dont go away. i have a daughter, and two dogs, thats all my family, i have no job, no money, and soon no food also. im tired of trying suicide without making it, and with all my expierences of early atempts i have become afraid of cutting my wrists again, or taking pills and dont die and just become sicker. so i think im just going to stop eating, today is my second day with no food, i just drink diet coke , i have two left, and water i have, all the food is going to be for the dogs, that worries me because the food is not much . but like i said, im tired of stugling and now that i decided to stop eating sudenly i fell calm. im new here, i didnt know where to post this so i just posted it here , im sorry if im breaking any rules. let see what hapens, day 2 today.