no friends

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by _Lily_, Dec 30, 2010.

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  1. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    Am struggling right now . I have no friends at all so i joined a friendship forum but am finding it hard to post there as i dont know what to talk about there .
    I have a hard time making friends due to having social anxiety and not been able to leave the house very often.
    Am really am shy and think that people will find me boring as i dont do very much in my life apart from being on line and playing with my cats and talking to my husband.
    The reason i am feeling so bad tonight is that my voices are getting to me saying things like no one wants me around and that they would be better of with out me and that no one wants to be my friend anyway.
    i just feel so low
  2. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

    Hello Reaper,

    Sorry to hear that you are feeling so low today :hug: Don't let your voices think for you, try keeping your mind focussed on something else instead such as something that you enjoy. If you are worried about not making friends, maybe join some sports/activity clubs to get to know more people how does that sound? Remember you'll always have friends on here, if you are unsure off what to say to one respond don't let it put you off I'm sure people would love to be your friend. :hug: Here if you need to talk :)
  3. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    I have the same problem making friends, so much self doubt, anxiety, all sorts, the only advice I can say is keep posting on there keep trying, and do not give up the hope of making friends, people come and go out of our lives all the time, it is how humanity is sadly, but keep trying, and you will find the odd gem that makes life so worthwhile believe me.

    Take Care

  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    people love to have someone take an interest in themselves, so you could start by asking alot of questions. like do they have any pets (then you could talk about yours), what's the weather like where they are, how was their christmas, what food did they make, do they have plans for new years, do they have any hobbies, when do they go back to work, are they taking a night class in the new year, did they make any new year's resolutions, do they have children... and so on... like i said asking someone questions is a great way to start a conversation. have fun...
  5. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    I also have that hard time trying to come up with small talk, ever tried Questions and Answers, just start asking random questions, even if its just what kind of shoes do you like wearing, what color is your car? It usually leads to longer conversations.

    Good Luck
  6. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Yes, definitely ask questions about the other person, express an interest in their families and that sort of thing.
    Or you could join a cat forum. I used to be a member of a rabbit forum (had five rabbits at the time) and I made loads of friends on there. Then there are animal rescue forums you can join.
    It would be easier to talk to people if you have something in common with them in the first place so a cat forum would be a good place to begin. Once you've worked your social skills up a bit you can move on to wider interests.
    Or you can stay and join in with this forum, you'll find lots of friends here. I'm always happy to talk to people in pms if they fancy a chat. (I'm not great with chat rooms though) Do feel free to pm me at any time.
    I should imagine that you do far more than you realise anyway. Do you cook for example? What sort of films do you like or books?
    Are you receiving treatment for the social anxiety?
  7. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    I dont do any sports or anything like that and i dont go out the house very much due to my social anxiety.
    Am not receiving any treatment for my social anxiety at the moment .
    I dont cook very much my husband dose most of the cooking as i will end up burning it lol

    ill try and join a cat forum
  8. deferred dream

    deferred dream Well-Known Member

    Reaper, you will find very nice people here to be your friends and to listen to your inner thoughts, sad and happy alike. We will help you through your hard times and celebrate your victories with you.

    I love cats too. ;) Cats are the best stress relief ever, so fuzzy and they love you always. Maybe you can find some very small group meets on forums and you can work gently through your social anxiety that way.
  9. azrael316

    azrael316 Member

    believe it or not reaper, we all have more or less the same problem... thats why we post on here i guess.... as a way to reach out.... life is a scary place sometimes but you did a good thing by reaching out.... you have friends here you just haven t found them yet
  10. happyville

    happyville Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you feel this way, and I know it's easier said than done, but if you're worried about people finding you interesting - they're much more likely to find you interesting if you think of yourself as such. Even if you have to repeat 'I'm awesome, I'm cool' and listen to 'you're awesome' music, it'll make talking to people easier.

    I don't know you, but I'm 100% sure there are a myriad things that make you an awesome person! As for what to talk about - do you watch tv, movies, read books, listen to music? You could talk about your favorite show or your favorite thing to do. I'm not personally a Twilight fan, but if you are, talk Team Jacob or Team Edward. If you like Harry Potter, talk about the recent movie, your favorite couple (Ron and Hermione, or should it have been Harry and Hermione all along?)

    If you can't think of any interests that the people on the friendship board might be interested in - read introduction, get-to-know-me posts, where people share their interests. If you have the same interest as someone else, no matter how small, say something to them; talk about it!

    I hope the advice helps. Either way, I hope you feel better, and I wish you good luck on finding a way to reach out and talk to others. < 3
  11. vector_2eh

    vector_2eh Member

    We are both in the same "boat".My situation is not better than yours.
    Only constant urge for gaining knowledge is saving me from insanity.
    I have had a number of unsecsfull relationships with women which left me mentally ruined , have not familly (live in foreign sh***y country) ,
    spending all days working or sitting alone in my room.
    Life is very cruel.
    Happy New Year.
  12. Soul of a Dragon

    Soul of a Dragon Well-Known Member

    Lets all be friends then...
  13. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    I think Soul of a Dragon idea is a good idea let's be friends ,
  14. Soul of a Dragon

    Soul of a Dragon Well-Known Member

    Mwhahahahah Epic signature bra! :D
  15. Well-Known Member

    I'm not a very good friend, but feel free to PM me anytime. I'm online a lot since I have no life.
  16. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    Thanks and you can pm me anytime too
  17. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    I'd like to be friends but I don't really want to call you Reaper, unless you really want us to call you Reaper of course.:smile:
    So! Favourite film - Mine is Arsenic and Old Lace which is a really old film.
    Favourite TV - Would have to say the BBC's version of Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth, I could watch it again and again and again (and have done)
    Favourite book - Pride and Prejudice but I'm a sucker for escapist romance like Mills and Boon
    Favourite Music - Anything thats good, I've got a really wide taste in music.
    Other things about me:
    I have one husband and 3 daughters who are all grown up
    I have 5 cats including 3 Norwegian Forest cats.
    I can never keep up with the housework and gave up trying a long time ago.
    I like doing craft stuff like making cards, painting and sewing but I never get the time.
    I have quite an interesting job but its very stressful. I also do voluntary work which is equally stressful. I'd much rather not have to work for a living but sadly I need the money.
    I was born and raised in the City that I now live in and I'm extremely proud of my city. We have a fantastic history and culture.
    I consider myself to be a very spiritual person but other people think I'm just mad.
    I'm not above using my illness to get my own way at work (It has to be useful for something)
    I hate having Bipolar Disorder but I'm learning to live with it.
    I have a serious weight problem and I DONT CARE.
    I refuse to be anything other than what I am. If people don't like me, tough.
    I'm convinced that I've failed at every step of my life so I'm quite surprised when people point out my achievements. I don't really remember achieving them.
    I waffle a lot about nothing.
    Tell us something about you. What are your cats called?

  18. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Reaper, I am glad you are here. Please consider that the voices lie. I am so very serious when I say this to you. Those voices want for you to stay stuck and have nothing good happen. Please know the voices are liars. I have lots of social problems and think that people dont want to be around me. Actually tonight the people I have spent the past 6 new years eve with just told me they will be doing something better for the night. So I know how rejection and feeling unworthy of people feels. Still its important to just keep trying, okay? I think you are doing grreat posting here. Please continue. The people here are good people. And I know you are a good people too. What you are saying is important and you are in the right place to say it. Good work posting !!!
  19. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    My name is Ella am 34 married live with my two cats Ninja and tigger
    Music i like is rock , classical and dance depending on my mood at the time .
    TV show i like is DR who and torchwood
    My favorite film is the craft ( i could watch it over and over )
    mostly i spend my time at home on the net and playing with my cats

  20. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Hi Ella,
    I love Dr Who, my husband and I are addicted to it. The Christmas Special is like the highlight of our Xmas.
    Were you also into Buffy etc? We were and it was a real family thing at the time. We used to watch it with the kids and the five of us would be glued to the TV every week.
    I'm really into any kind of sci fi/fantasy etc as long as it's done well. I used to read John Wyndham novels as a kid and think it comes from there. The Day of the Triffids etc - have you ever read any of them?
    I also like The Craft, brilliantly done and very atmospheric. One of my Degree's is in Religious Studies and I specialised in Modern Paganism so know quite a bit about subject. Fascinating stuff.
    My husband is a musician and over the years has been in a variety of bands, lots of different types of music from Rockabilly to Folk so I'm used to having a house full of musicians and lots of different types of music (we have a rehearsal room and studio in our house) It made for a very interesting childhood for my kids and they all grew up with a love of music.
    Its just a shame that he's never made any money out of it lol! I've always been the breadwinner whilst he pursued his 'art'. LOL!
    One of our claims to fame is that Morrissey (from The Smiths) has sang in our sitting room - which as claims to fame go is quite sad.
    I'd happily live on the net all day if I didn't have to work but sadly work gets in the way. We're on a secure server at work and they've blocked access to all the interesting sites so that we don't sit on them all day. Since we're all overloaded with work it's not like we'd have chance to, we don't get a minute to ourselves usually.
    My cats are:
    Nelson - so called because someone dumped him on our doorstep, rang the bell and ran off on Trafalgar Day. He was far too young to be away from his mother and we didn't think he'd survive the night but 13 years later he's still with us. My youngest was 7 at the time and she answered the door when the bell rang and you'd have thought all her Christmas's had arrived at once. I've never seen a kid so excited.
    Jake and Esmerelda are brother and sister and we got them when they were six weeks old. They're the Norwegian Forest cats and stunningly beautiful. Someone at work had asked if I wanted some kittens and I said yes, I had no idea that I was getting Forest Cats, still don't know why the person didn't sell them instead of giving them away but I'm glad they did. They're very lively cats and into everything.
    Pendle: Pendle is Esmerelda's kitten. We let Esme have one litter before we got her 'done' and we kept Pendle out of the litter. She's pure grey and has a long coat, absolutely gorgeous.
    Cefa: We've only just got Cefa and she's still very shy. She's an older cat who's owner died unexpectedly and we took her in. She's now starting to settle in nicely and the other cats are very intrigued.
    I used to keep rabbits too but didn't replace them when they gradually died. I just don't have the time to be looking after too many animals now but I really miss the rabbits. They make great pets.
    Now I'm waffling again and I want to hear more about you.
    If you could have three wishes, what would they be? (And you can't say things like 'world peace', it's got to be things just for you!)
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