My mom died about two years ago and I have had struggles every day to be without her. I’ve been depressed all my life and it is turned out to be heartbreaking as well. I have never gotten married or had kids, my career has never taken off and it has always been a struggle to make ends meet. I am constantly at odds with myself and my body. I lost my best friend before my Mom. The only one I have left is my dog, and I will probably have to say goodbye to her this week what is tearing me apart because she’s the only joy my life I have nothing to be here for except pain. I have no desire to get older I am already 50 and it sucks My body is changing In not a good way and I hardly recognize myself anymore. To add injury to insult my health insurance has been raised to 750 a month/9000 year for the crappy plan which I can’t afford, how am I my supposed to afford to grow old. The little money 48k/28k take home, just got laid off too. I make puts me over the threshold for subsidies And will sink me. The new tax laws have screwed me, and i cant do deductions anymore. On top of it all i am being audited by IRS, and my unreimbursed business expenses are being denied per Trump rules. so i will owe $$$. Praying they dont go after other years. Constant panic and anxiety. Recap- dog dying, mom dead, bf dead, laid off, Irs audit, cant afford health care, menopause, unemployed over 50. so much more I dont want to be here anymore. I havent for a long time. Stayed because of Mom, dog saved me, she is dying. I want to go when she goes. I dont want to be left here. I dont want to get older, i miss my Mom. I cant afford to live. Irs taking what little savings i have. I hate this place. I see no future. I cant do this anymore. I am done. Over trying so hard to live for damage control. In too much pain, will be worse when dog is gone. Do not tell me to get another dog, one does not replace the other. Called suicide hotline they suck, no compassion, I hate this place.