No future left

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by StangerInAStrangeLand, Jun 2, 2008.

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  1. StangerInAStrangeLand

    StangerInAStrangeLand Well-Known Member

    Howdy All,

    I've been depressed for quite a while. I can see my doom lying on the horizon - I will be forced into homelessness - not until August though. Until that time I'm stuck in limbo here at my parents house - they said I could live there until college starts back up (no later though). I don't have the money to be able to return to college though.

    I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. My energy level is too low to do anything about it. Everyday I wake up feeling drained and down. The only solution I see is to end my life when I get to that point.

    I don't know how to make it past these feelings, it's a battle I've fought before and I don't have the energy to fight it again. I'm at the point of just throwing in the towel - don't know how I'm going to make it past this.
  2. EmptyLife

    EmptyLife Well-Known Member

    Do they know you can't afford to go to college?
    Are you saying your parents would knowingly let you go homeless?
    I'm not saying they wouldn't -- I've been kicked out of the house by several different people many times...
  3. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Life is so hard when our future and our plans fall apart. When you're in the middle of it, living seems impossible and unbearable.

    A lesson I've been struggling to learn is NOW. Now - this present moment - is the only thing that is real. The past is over, can't change it, might as well forget it and go on. The future isn't yet reality. It's coming, and we can make some plans for it, but it's still only in the distance. Now is what you can experience. What you do today is something you can experience with all your senses.

    Worry is something most of us have mastered. I believe that there are things we can do that will affect our future, but we can't know for sure what will actually happen next week, or in August. Who knows what might happen between now and then?

    Enjoy the present, hope for the future.
  4. StangerInAStrangeLand

    StangerInAStrangeLand Well-Known Member

    Thanks middleofnowhere and EmptyLife,

    Needed a reality check. I am just living for the day - just worried about what tomorrow brings me which is very frightening. And yes, my parents would knowingly let me be homeless. Last time I was in the hospital they told me to look for a new home when I got out - I had one month living with other family to get better and find work - I ended up getting work with someone who I know well (enough to pay the bills anyway - but it drove me into alcoholism fast - self-medicating). Not sure I'll survive another battle like that - but as middleofnowhere said, just worry about today (gonna be my motto until August).

    Thank you for helping me out.
  5. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    I agree with you that the future can be frightening. Mine often is. I try not to make it more frightening than what it will be.

    I can't imagine not being welcome by your parents. That has to hurt a lot. That's one heavy rock in your backpack, maybe the heaviest. I hope the day will come when your parents will change. Whether they do or not, taking that hurtful rock out of your bag by being forgiving (I know, sounds dumb) can make your load easier to bear.

    We sometimes feel like our circumstances are worse than anyone elses. Reality is that things could be a whole lot worse than they are. I hope you find a counselor who could help you work through this rough spot in your road.

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