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no future

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jigman, Apr 21, 2008.

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  1. jigman

    jigman Member

    hi guys
    aint posted for a long time..extremely unsatisphied with the state of my life..i stuck in a depressing routine and life just doesnt seem to be getting any better.
    i live at home with my parents and older sister..my father is a alcholic and suffers from depression and other mental problems.he hasnt worked for 20yrs and he just does the same everyday.my mother who i do not have time for anymore as i blame her and my father for the state of my life..buys him his drink everynite and he gets drunk as she watches tv everynite..now and again hell kick off and hit her or threaten to kill her..we have had the police out on many occasions.but my mother would neva leave him no matter what..even him hitting her kids she still neva will leave him.im 20 now and the mental strain living in this way has been pushing me to the edge for yrs now. i want to do something with my life an not end up anything like my parents or the people around me.they cant teach me anything and i feel like im alot wise to the world than they are. its geting to the point i have dont hav the friends i used to have and this is what kept me sane.i have neva had girlfriends as im embarrased of my family.theres not many people so distanced from reality as my dad. its got to the stage where im not only hateing my father..i jus have no time for either of my parents..i could quiet happily neva see them again.they make me depressed.

    i started a new job today and its awful..no prospects and as my parents have neva pushed me or suppourted me to do anything i lack any motivation to change my life..im a really good guy if a say so myself..and im well liked by people who know me..but now i dont see any people who mean anything to me its just a routine of going to a job i hate..coming home goin in my room and watchin dvds an avoiding my parents

    i guess leave home but its so expensive and i dont want to struggle all my life..i wanted to get a job i would get more than money but make some sort of differance whether it be to my life experience or helping people

    im writing this and im so calm but i think if this goes on much longer im just goin to say sack it an jus overdose on something..as im goin to add nothing to the world or have any thing like a good time.and the fact i know this strange upbringing ive had where pretending everything was okay a day after my father nearly kills my mother and harms his kids has defonately messed me up.
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