No future

[Hache]

:blub:

I've been unemployed for nearly 4 months now, there are no jobs. I've failed at the final stages of 2 things. There's nothing left in the pipeline.

I've been back home since the start of summer because Uni is over. Tonight I was driving through my city and saw all of the local uni's freshers going out, that hit home hard. I have no social life anymore, I have no friends, all I do is sit in waiting for a chance, an opportunity, waiting for something to take me away.

Everything is gone, nothing is coming, I don't see the point anymore.

Part of me wants to die but then I think of what that would do to the people I love and I don't want to die. But the suffering is getting worse, harder, it might get out of control if I can't find a release, I can't drink or self harm, I need something else.

My health is deteriorating with this lifestyle, but I struggle to find the will to just move my legs and walk.

I can't tell the people around me what I feel or what I think, I cannot say what my opinion is in terms of this job hunt, my life, I can't tell them because I know from recent experiences they do not agree with my opinions or my out look. Tomorrow is expected to be a big day for "talking" with the whole family about this job malarky, i'll just sit there and let them say whatever they want like I have been today, but I wont say what I feel.

I'm going to have some kind of break down soon, I feel it coming on, I don't know how it will happen or what it will involve but I am on the brink.

 

[Terry]

please go and see your doc and explain to him/her how depressed you are.
I doubt the doc will be surprised, there are many people faced with the same shit visa vie the lack of jobs.
Small comfort for you I know, but there are literally millions facing this at the moment.

 

[Hache]

Thanks for the reply and advice Terry. But my experience with Doctors is one going "awww, do you want meds, I can give you some if you want, here's a leaflet, come back if you want them"

 

[total eclipse]

there is a future hun just everything right now is hard for everyone I too hope you go talk to your doctor okay tell doc how depressed you are and get some help some medication to get you out of this dark place your in hugs

 

[lachrymose27]

i'm also just sitting around also waiting for an opportunity. goodluck to you

 

[Hache]

Thanks for the support. Went on Facebook and it is full of statuses and pictures from everyone who is still at Uni or in my old Uni town talking about last night and freshers week, having fun, socialising.

Here I am well over a hundred miles away with no friends and will probably never have a social life like it again.

 

[Hache]

It's more than a job I need and I don't feel that the people around me understand that or would understand that

 

[Terry]

What about doing your masters?

 

[Hache]

The negatives outweigh the positives of me going into a masters straight away. Probably too late now anyway.

 

[Terry]

Well seems to me, no jobs, degrees not worth the paper they are written on, so anything more is always a plus.
Who knows, maybe uni is the life for you, you do your masters, possibly your phd and become a lecturer?
Just a thought.

 

[Hache]

Maybe, but then I remember that I went to Uni in the first place because I had no life, I didn't really go for the course, I bullshitted my way to a good grade, I can't get away with that in a masters. Also uni wasn't perfect it was just significantly better and brought the social interactions needed to life depression. I need something for my ego right now and I know most people I know would see me doing another degree as bottling a job again. I really feel like I need money in my life now as well.

It sucks that I need something that will get me my independence back, build me a new life with new friends from scratch. Outside of University there isn't really anything.