:blub: I've been unemployed for nearly 4 months now, there are no jobs. I've failed at the final stages of 2 things. There's nothing left in the pipeline. I've been back home since the start of summer because Uni is over. Tonight I was driving through my city and saw all of the local uni's freshers going out, that hit home hard. I have no social life anymore, I have no friends, all I do is sit in waiting for a chance, an opportunity, waiting for something to take me away. Everything is gone, nothing is coming, I don't see the point anymore. Part of me wants to die but then I think of what that would do to the people I love and I don't want to die. But the suffering is getting worse, harder, it might get out of control if I can't find a release, I can't drink or self harm, I need something else. My health is deteriorating with this lifestyle, but I struggle to find the will to just move my legs and walk. I can't tell the people around me what I feel or what I think, I cannot say what my opinion is in terms of this job hunt, my life, I can't tell them because I know from recent experiences they do not agree with my opinions or my out look. Tomorrow is expected to be a big day for "talking" with the whole family about this job malarky, i'll just sit there and let them say whatever they want like I have been today, but I wont say what I feel. I'm going to have some kind of break down soon, I feel it coming on, I don't know how it will happen or what it will involve but I am on the brink.